REVENGE, REGRETS, AND RIVERS OF TEARS

They say revenge is best served cold. I don't know what that means. "Revenge is mine saith the Lord", and that's good enough for me---but when it happens without my planning or scheming it, it isn't mine, it's just nice! Case in point---recently I and a tennis partner won, hands down, slam dunk, 6-0, 6-0, a doubles match against a couple of 30 somethings, who had " only just started playing tennis" a couple of years ago. Yeah, right--I don't think so. So when one of them approached and defeatedly said, " you put the ball so accurately where you want to", I was tempted to say, "cry me a river, baby cakes---I've been hitting balls since before you were born---and there's no way you've just learned to play two years ago!" Actually, I felt for this young woman, who still thinks if she hits the ball hard enough, she'll kill the opponent. I've been there and she will learn the value of finesse and accuracy in time. But in the meantime, she made my day! If that feeling was revenge, it was sa-weet! The revenge of age against youth is hard to deny---it waits in the wings, quietly, for a chance to say --"-gotcha"!! But we're talking a tennis game, here. What about real life?

Revenge can be a driving force in one's life. I know people who say they owe part of their success to the revenge of proving people wrong .They did well because others thought they never would. I don't know if that's revenge, as much as great motivation. They say living well is the best revenge. But what is living well? And why should we constantly be measuring our worth against someone else's standards? To do well, is to do your best at something you love. To live well is to live healthfully in body and spirit. To be well has less to do with revenge, than yielding, giving a pass, even accepting a loss with grace. To win, to be the best, is a great feeling---but it isn't everything. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many unhappy winners around, like Tiger Woods, who claims he never enjoyed his victories, because of his guilt----cry me a river, too, Tiger. Or Andre Agassi, who claims he was never happy as a world class tennis player, because his dad made him do it against his will. Don't cry me a river, Andre-- that's kind of sad, but get over it----you could have changed course at some point, and you look pretty happy to me now. These men were not living well, in spite of their outward success.

In the book, "The Shift", by Wayne Dyer, he says that the worst regret in life is a life without meaning, and that happiness comes from finding a purpose---your own purpose, not someone else's. The "shift" comes when we let go of the chase for things, status, and even happiness, because none of those things bring contentment, as they are all temporary and a product of our egos, rather than our souls. To let go of one's ego is tough--- we're taught to to excel, to win, to become somebody. But with age, comes a certain forced letting go, perhaps a return to our original un-needy selves. Is that what "downsizing" is all about? "Letting go, and letting God"? Returning to one's passion? Volunteering to assist others? Looking at everyone with softer eyes ?Not being defined by what our careers are or were, but by what lies beneath our exterior? Too bad it takes a lifetime to learn how to be what we perhaps knew all along---that self worth, happiness and contentment come not from without, but from within. Dr.Dyer writes that that is how we started after all, with no-thing and how we'll end---alone, with whatever we essentially are and have ultimately become, sans things, position, and worldly acclaim. He espouses a move away from ambition to purpose, driven by a higher calling. The learned emotions of envy, greed, revenge, regrets, and self pity are the results of a life not well lived and never taste very good for very long--served hot or cold . They are counter productive to what we are meant to be---loving, productive, healthy reflections of a Source who is all those things and has drawn His map to contentment on our hearts. We are to love Him, ourselves, and each other, and everything else will fall into place.

Well, in summary,I think Mr. Dyer's points are very well taken. But, I have to wonder---has God ever played tennis? I really don't think I can eliminate ambition and ego from beating people like "Baby Cakes". Surely our Creator has a sense of competition---but, then again, maybe He's never played tennis, or Bridge, or football. He did say, "I am the Alpha and the Omega"---He is the One, the Bomb, the Only One, and he wants us to know that---so he does seem a wee bit competitive, and he definitely likes to win. So do I, but I want to do it nicely. So maybe next time, I'll forget about revenge and sweetly say "Thanks, I've only just started playing a week ago"---if that somehow means I'll never feel the "shift" to a more spiritual person, well, then, I guess I'll just have to cry me a river----