IS THE DOCTOR IN??

Have you been to a doctor lately? It's not my favorite thing to do, but recently I was called in to discuss blood work I had done a week or so prior. I asked if they could discuss it over the phone with me and was told, "uh, no". Hm-m-m--not good. I don't know what your experience has been, but lately seeing a real doctor is like getting in to see the King or the President. He's always away or busy with someone else. On this day, my doctor could not see me because he himself had to see a doctor for an injury. So, as usual, I saw the physician's assistant. or p.a., as she is called. I have become quite good friends with her, and find her very capable. I call her Nancy. She calls me Kellee, and it's all good. She even refers to the doctor as " Steve" . I kind of miss the formality and the white jackets, which have been replaced quite some time ago by sports shirts and khaki pants. I like doctors to look like doctors. At least Nancy wears a nurses' smock.


Anyway, upon settling in with Nancy in the cozy little examining room, I had to remind her why I was there---oh yes, my blood results. "Well, she said, everything looks good except for right here where it gets messy", pointing to my bad cholesterol numbers. "You are over the edge into the high category. You are also very deficient in vitamin D, and your bones could begin disintegrating at any moment." She did not say the last part quite like that, but basically that's what she implied. " Is that all?", I asked. She nodded and asked if I had any other concerns. Thinking I might as well cover everything, I asked her to look at my recently broken finger, which is still crooked and has two little red bumps that are not healing. She looked at my finger, said it did not look right to her, and flew out of the office to summon the doctor, who had somehow managed to get to the office after all. I thought she was over-reacting a bit, and was much more concerned with what to do about my high cholesterol count.

But after several minutes, Steve appeared, with a cane, a limp, and a look that seemed to say, "This had better be good". He is probably about 75 years old, but still quite handsome, with the whitest teeth I've ever seen. Obviously, he has had them bleached to a fare thee well, which is probably why he seems to smile a lot. He is comedic in a way, annoying in another way, but somehow likable. I just wasn't in a particularly jolly mood at that point and when he proceeded to make fun of my injured finger and my vain concern over the unattractive crookedness and red bumps, I felt like kicking his cane away. He said, "Now, as we get older, we have to expect things to get a little less than perfect, etc." No kidding. This was followed by his asking me if I knew what the life expectancy was of women who lived 100 years ago. I suddenly felt like I had to participate in a game of trivia, and actually came close with my answer, which was 42. Wrong!! Steve smugly said "No, it was 47!" Well, excuse me for still being alive!! I so wanted to tell him that it wasn't my idea to bother him, that it was Nancy's, and also that he was being a jerk with or without his white coat. But afraid that Nancy would then get into trouble for becoming practically hysterical over my finger, I feigned the dumb blonde routine with a touch of hypochondria. I managed to ask if I could fore go taking medicine for the high cholesterol and just change my diet. Steve smiled cynically, and said something about the American diet not being conducive to having the ability to bring down my numbers. At this point, Nancy chimed in with "you could have a stroke or heart attack and we are trying to practice preventative medicine here!"I thought the most preventative step I could take right then, was to leave, which I did. Funny how an afternoon at the doctor's office can make you feel ill.

I have nothing against doctors, and for those of you out there who are or have been one, thank you very much for your service. Whatever would we do without doctors? Dr. Steve is a dying breed, I understand, as general family doctors have mostly been replaced by specialists. Maybe that's why I keep going back to him---I appreciate his service too, and don't want to contribute to his demise. Bur then, he could always try doing dental commercials or stand up comedy.

But I'm wondering---are physician's assistants another new normal? Aren't there already too few doctors to handle the current load of patients? What does the future hold when the new health care plan demands care for so many more patients? I'm thinking we should all learn to take our own blood pressure,consume tons of calcium, walk more, get plenty of sunshine, drink gallons of water ,and petition the doctors to put their white coats on again. And one more thing, Steve----I really don't care how long women used to live a hundred years ago, or even last month---just do what you have to do to keep me going strong for as long as possible. I, in turn, promise not to bother you again about silly, cosmetic issues. Mind if I ask where you got your gorgeous teeth done?