How Does It Feel?

"How does it feel, Mom? I mean, you know, to be your age? Are you scared, knowing that your time is--uh, limited?" I looked at my youngest son, who had just turned 40 and was exhibiting signs of mid-life anxiety. I thought---stunning that you should ask me that---also odd that you think I'm qualified to answer such a question. I had often wondered the same thing, and now I'm supposed to be the one with the answers? Well, "hello",supposedly wise, older mom. Yes, indeedy, I do know how it feels. But did I dare tell him the bald, naked truth? That there are days when I ache all over, when I can't believe how tired I sometimes get, and when I look in the mirror and hardly recognize myself!? And yes, I'm not crazy about the thought of it all ending some day---who is? But that's part of the deal--the fine print at the end." Growing old ain't for sissies". My mother says that a lot. She should know. She's 89, and not the least bit thrilled about it. I don't know anyone who is ecstatic about their older years---just some who seem to have resigned themselves to it, and others who travel constantly as if they're afraid they won't be able to some day---and they're probably right. But not wanting to discourage my son ---and not able to come up with anything profound at the moment, I said---"You get used to it". How wise was that? Not very--so I followed with, "I'll get back to you on that"---here's getting back.

TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLD-E--R

1. You have pretty much become who you are going to be when you grow up and there's a sense of emancipation, relief, and joy in that. And, a certain amount of curious respect that comes with old age--like somehow we are to be admired for having survived life!

2. Authenticity becomes more important and easier to spot---no more time for phonies, fakes or disingenuousness---in yourself or others. Getting real, being real, seeking real, is a good thing and only comes with lots of practice. But don't confuse being real with rudeness ---I'll take a little kindness any day, even if it's not totally authentic.

3. Living in the moment becomes more important--- enjoying the sunsets, the snow falls, the rain, the good and even the bad---every last sweet or bitter drop of it make up this life and you realize it's all part of the journey that enriches, teaches, and makes the trip not just a ride, but an incredible experience. Did we really think it would be a box of chocolates?

4. You learn to roll, instead of railing at all the injustices, offenses, petty or serious grievances---most things sort themselves out in time, and are not worth the angst we give them. "Cut negative", a film makers' term, which means, at some point, to stop editing,snipping, re-playing, and striving for perfection, is a good thing to apply to ourself and to others. You give up on perfection---except for your hair, which for some of us is never perfect and which might be a good thing to ask for in your next life.

5. Regrets become not so regretful, as we slowly, sometimes painfully realize that some dreams were never meant to be, and that for the most part things are unfolding as they were meant to do. In addition, many of your fears melt as you realize most of them were illusions, and of your own making.

6. Regret free and fearless, almost, you learn to relax, to leisurely read a good book, simply soak up the sunshine on a lazy day,and to finally realize that we are, like the earth, floating in an infinite sky with a Source that knows the way, wishes us well, and will bring us home again.


7. You get "senior" discounts to lots of things---and finally don't mind.

8. You get to enjoy the fruits of your labors, which turn out to be mostly---your children, grandchildren, or your garden,your art, or your spouse---some of which you had all along, and didn't have time or wisdom to appreciate.

9. You finally see that growing old ,is just a bodily function. Growing up is a different thing. The mind, the spirit, the soul are always young---if you let them. That's the growing up part--you grow up and away from the physical limitations--and realize you are more than the sum of your parts!

10. On a clear day you can see forever, and the view is, if not certain, filled with spectacular possibilities. The serendipity of life, so deliciously unknown,draws us forward to see what's around the next bend--maybe the perfect hair day!

So, there it is, my son. Can't you just hardly wait to be old now? It's a party! You don't want to miss it, but you don't want to arrive too early either. You'll get invited soon enough, and before you know , one of your children will be asking , "How does it feel, Dad?" You can always say, "You get used to it ".