Got Change?

Once when I was very young, about 17, someone asked me if I thought I'd change very much when I grew up. It seemed a very deep question at that time, as I hardly knew what I would change from, let alone to. But from time to time I would think about it and wonder---have I changed yet? Change comes slowly for most of us, I think, and some things never do. They say our personalities are pretty much set by age five. But back then, I believed anything was possible,and that I could fly if I just had the right cape! But change does come. It happens little by little with every person we meet, every new place or country we visit, every book we read, every new idea that comes our way, every new love, every birth of one's child, every heart break, every sorrow, every new found joy---all bring their own epiphanies. Traumatic, life altering incidents not withstanding, the changes happen so slowly one hardly notices. Then one day, you realize that you are different---the truth of the world and life were always there, but you have finally more or less caught up with it all. Now, instead of seeing through childlish, rose colored glasses, we see clearly--or do we? Are we really seeing the truth, or are we seeing things through a warped lens, created and limited by our individual experiences, and the influence of others in authority with great power to persuade? What if there is a higher, more pure truth that is free from all emperical evidence, waiting to be seen and felt? I think children feel it in their every day joy of living, and then slowly lose it as "being" becomes not so light. But some people who have endured many burdens of pain and disappointment, have managed to transcend all and have risen to a higher plane of conciousness. They seem calm, in control, happy even, and content. They have found their own oasis in the middle of worldly and even personal chaos. I think of people like Lady Byrd Johnson, who in the face of much criticism and turmoil during her husband's presidency said, in effect, " I cannot help but feel optimistic". Or Ronald Reagan's sunny disposition which led a country out of despondency. Or of Jesus Christ, who said, "I am the way, the truth and the life,---- and the truth shall set you free." Of what truth was he speaking ? I don't think it came from other people or books or movies or the media.

A very wise man once cautioned me to not let other people's opinions suddenly become mine. He said opinions are just that--someone else's ideas or beliefs, not necessarily the truth. Remain true to yourself he said. Well, I'm sorry, but that can take a lifetime -- and then some. The great challenge is to find your best self in the clatter and clutter of living, and not let the inevitable bruising and battering of life derail you from what you are meant to become-- whole, fully realized, and clear eyed. Instead, let life teach, burnish and polish you .Then, after you've done your best , rise above it all --- float you might say, to a place called, if not Truth,Peace. Ah, to do that would be to live fully, joyously, and free from agonizing guilt, regrets, anger, resentment, grudges, hurts, bitterness. Is that what is meant by the "peace that passeth all understanding"? Am I there yet? No, I'm more tarnished than burnished. More scratched than polished. And I'm running out of time. But, I'm not quite grown up yet, anything is possible and ---a really good cape would help.

Sometimes I wonder about the person who asked me that profound question ---did he change? Would we still recognize each other? But, then again---maybe all he meant was ---wouldl I still like Disneyland and Hot Fudge Sundays when I'm 70? I do----more than ever!