BULLIES IN OUR SCHOOLS, HOMES, AND POLITICS

This week the news was full of a national epidemic and the tragic results. Bullying is the shame of this country in our schools, and more recently on the internet, where some kids have learned it is great sport to bully, tease, and threaten unmercifully. It has resulted in several suicides across the country. Statistics show that 15-25% of school children are bullied and that bullying begins in elementary school, continues on through high school, and tapers off finally in college. It has gone on far too long, while teachers have either turned their backs on the problem, or sometimes even participated in the derision or teasing of certain students. Even some parents seem to ascribe to the notion that bullying is part of growing up. I have always despised that excuse---bullying in the school yard , the school halls, or the internet is far worse than anything adults usually encounter in the outside world and it is naive to think that anything can be gained by either the bullier or the bullied---it is wrong, terribly damaging, and dangerous. Last week a college student committed suicide after learning that his room mate had video taped him and a friend of the same sex engaging in a sexual act, and then ran it on the internet for all to see.

The schools are at long last trying to curb this cruel, childish behavior and it is high time. Some states have enacted anti-bullying laws. Our children deserve better than to have to go to school afraid, but more afraid to tell anyone, for fear there will be even worse consequences. Several years ago, a boy by the name of Matthew Shepherd, a student at the University of Wyoming, was tortured, beaten, tied to a fence and left to die on a cold winter night at the hands of two local boys. The reason? He was gay. I will never forget the look of anguish on the face of Matthew's mother as it appeared in a local paper. She went on to advocate for anti-hatred laws. For those who think such laws are unnecessary and are redundant---take a look at the statistics. Hate crimes, especially against gay people are far too many, and if the laws already on the books won't stop it, then more needs to be done. The dirty little secret is that for too many years, gay people have been considered fair game for jokes, smirks, stares, and bullying---and not just in schools. It has been considered o.k., even among otherwise sophisticated, educated, and well mannered people, to giggle or make disparaging jokes about people of different sexual orientations, as though this was the one group of people that society as a whole deemed beneath their respect and protection of rights. Have we as a society changed our attitudes toward the gay and lesbian among us? Hopefully, as they have decided to "come out", we have more increasingly learned to clean out our pre-conceived judgements and very damaging indictments against them. How dare we judge another for their right to live their private lives as they choose, and for which they may have no choice but to be who and how they were born to be. "Don't ask, don't tell", the standard rule of conduct for the military is now being challenged by the gay rights champions. One hopes they win this important battle of rights, but one also hopes they will not pay for it with bullying as a result of their right to be honest.

Peer pressure is intense in school, and can be in part blamed for some of the bullying that goes on , but the bully is often born at home, not at birth, but by parents who allow and even foster belittling of others, whether it is of a sexual nature, or related to dress, color, class, religious or learning disabilities. To tolerate, even by silence, is to perpetuate prejudice and even give permission to become a bully. Parents are now being advised to not only guard against their child being bullied, but to also watch for signs that he or she is perhaps becoming or is, in fact, a bully. It is always heart warming to see the out pouring of grief and sympathy for student suicide victims by their fellow classmates---but the thought also occurs that it is too little, too late. Should we not be doing more to teach our children to stand against any kind of bullying they may witness, and not let it go unnoticed and without peer disapproval?

Society will probably never rid itself of bullying, for there will always be those who glean pleasure from assuming a mean, superior role to others. But it seems good manners and civil behavior could be stressed more ---it isn't enough to teach the pleasantries of " please" and "thank you". Self esteem has been the ultimate goal of many parents in recent years, and that's all well and good---but let us not forget to teach the importance of esteeming others. It would seem we need more role models for good and kind behavior both for our children and ourselves. We are not always getting it from our most obvious and visible heroes and celebrities. And we are certainly not getting it from our political leaders. Pointing out flaws of the opponents seems to go with the territory, and as we enter this election season, we will be subjected to what seems to be an acceptable form of bullying, in the form of character attack ads from both ends of the political party spectrum. Differences of view points are one thing , as disagreement with positions and policies are essential for healthy debates and decision making, but personal assassination and deliberate public put downs are quite another. Bullies are found everywhere, sometimes even in a President, who can use his pulpit to continuously belittle and make fun of his opponents. Let's hope this political season does not fall further to that level of childishness. We are watching, and so are our children. May we strive to set a good example of good will towards all men---even those we are at complete polar opposite. There is another way---civil discourse. How refreshing it would be to see more of that in our political debates.

Bullies are found everywhere, and while they are mostly bred at home, they are only allowed to flourish if society allows them to do so by turning a deaf ear, a blind eye, or worse, joining in. Most of us do not join in---but by remaining silent, we are condoning. God bless those who find the courage to speak up against even subtle slurs. Political correctness, though at times annoying, has become part of our culture, because we needed to reign in our tongues----may we continue to watch not only what we say, but what we feel, and just as importantly, what we are teaching our children by example---so that someday, we can look at them, be proud, and say---bully for you!!