A FUNNY KIND OF GRANDMA

Let me say right off that I have never been your stereo-typical or traditional grandma. But then, is there is such a thing these days? I'm not the only one who works and dresses not that differently from my grandchildren. There are new norms everywhere, even among grandmas. I've been told I'm more of an "Auntie Mame", than an "Aunt Bea", Opie's surrogate grandmother on" Mayberry RFD", the old TV show.. I prefer to think I'm more like Sophia Loren with grandchildren! Now, there's a new norm. My grandmothers both wore long dresses and had grey hair. But neither one of them provided warm, nurturing role models. One of them lived with us for a while and took care of me and my little brother while my mother worked. She braided my hair and made fresh bread, which she served to me as a snack with buttermilk when I came home from school. She was, however, not affectionate, and could be quite stern. I remember being chased with a broom which she clearly meant to use on me ---fortunately , I ran faster . But she was for her day, a rather traditional German grandmother. She had no life of her own, but found meaning in helping out our family. I had no wish ever to be like her, and in fact, I wanted to be as unlike her as possible. But today's grandmothers seem very different from mine. I so admire and envy those that spend large blocks of quality time with their grandchildren, helping out every time they are needed. Owning and operating a business have never left me with many spare days or energy. And to be honest, as my children and parents of my grandchildren often readily point out---I have a busy social life, a periodic pedicure, and a tennis match to squeeze in whenever possible. I'm there to care for the children if I'm really needed, but I admittedly guard my private time, knowing that I must have it to keep my balance. But every now and then, I get to be a real grandma---last week was one of those times. Katherine, 12, and Kelly 10 came to stay for a few days . I was delighted and felt I had been given a second chance , as the last time I was given the grandmother test, I failed badly! It wasn't that I did anything wrong, it's that I wasn't even there. A few weeks before their planned visit, I had been invited to join a couple of friends for a girls' trip to Italy. Torn as I was, I decided to go, leaving the children in the very capable hands of my kind and generous husband . They weren't coming to our home until after I left on my trip, and I planned to get home before they left, by cutting short the itinerary and skipping Venice. Well---need I say more? You don't skip Venice. Even my husband urged me to go on to Venice -- "you have to see it", he said. And so I went, thinking I would stay only one day and leave early the next morning . But like a smitten lover, I did not leave. I had fallen completely under the spell of that ancient, lovely, fairy tale city, and stayed on one more day and night. After a long trip from airline hell, with delays, canceled departures, and bumped reservations, I finally made it back home to my waiting grand daughters who had expected me a couple days earlier. They greeted me with smiles and welcome home signs they had made, and I greeted them with a huge guilt conscience. The trip was wonderful, and I don't regret it---there comes a time in life when a door opens and you just know you must walk through it---the opportunity and circumstances will not pass your way again. This was one of those times. But I will always miss the days I could have spent with those two little girls.

So, this was my chance to be a hands-on grandma---and I think I passed the test this time around. The week was filled with as much summer fun as we could pack into it, including fireworks, a movie, ice cream cupcakes, "rip stick" skate boards (the very latest in skate board technology) , fishing, a sleep over with their cousins, and even a couple afternoons at a day camp while I worked. For just a little while they brightened and lightened my days. Laughing in the sunshine, running in the rain and forgetting all of life's problems had been their gifts to me. I could only hope that they were taking home some fond memories as well. Probing for answers, I asked one of them how she would rate the day camp---she said," It was good". I then asked which activity they had enjoyed while with us the most-- " fishing with Papa", was the reply. But the best thing they left me with was a note that said: " Grandma,you are funny and you make us laugh." I loved that note, not only for it's sweetness, but because somehow they had found a way to appreciate me, their not so traditional grandma. I tried to explain to them, that pouring orange juice into their cereal bowls was not that unusual---could happen to anyone, but they looked unconvinced and quite amused. Yes, they had tapped into my core---a sort of unintentional penchant for missteps, or mis-pours, in this case; and were doing what visits like this are for---getting better acquainted and learning that grandmas come in all different packages with all sorts of personalities. But most of us hold the same gift inside--a deep and abiding love for the children of our children. We want them to know that others besides their parents treasure and love them unconditionally. And if we're lucky they will remember us when they become grandparents, as good role models --minus the brooms!

As I turned my little charges over to their mom on the last day of their visit, they seemed very happy to see her, and maybe just a little sad to say good-bye to me---but mostly what I saw in their eyes was a look that said, "we know you a little better now, and we love you a little more". I hope so. I found myself tearing up on the way home---I may have made them laugh, but they had made my heart smile. I missed them already.