A Family Wedding

Is there anything more joyous--or stressful than a family wedding? Last weekend was a reminder of how this momentous occasion can be such a mix of emotions that it leaves me feeling like I need oxygen. My nephew married his high school sweetheart and as the two of them emotionally spoke their vows in a lovely new church, my mind swirled with memories of past weddings, my own included. "I do", "I will", "I promise"---such heavy words for such young people. How can they possibly know what they are doing or who they may become over a lifetime? Will they grow together---or apart over the years? I glanced at my husband sitting next to me, then down to the rest of the long pew which seated our three children, their spouses, and all their children---the beautiful results of my own marriage 47 years ago, almost to the day. I wished the about- to -be husband and wife well, and tried to relax and just enjoy the ceremony as it unfolded---but weddings always make me a little nervous---and this was no exception. The day had started out well enough, with plans to get everybody to the church in time for a pre-ceremony family photo session.including my elderly mother, who had her own built up anxieties about not being able to have the strength to make it , and rightly so. Not having slept the night before she had awakened with extreme dizziness and fatigue----when you're 90 years old, it's hard to dismiss these symptoms as "nothing serious". Should we call the doctor? Will the day be ruined? But, thinking that she might just be dehydrated, I suggested she drink some water and rest a bit. That must have done the trick, because she called later, miraculously revived and once again fretting that we would not get her to the church in time!! We did, the pictures got taken, as we all straggled in one family at a time, and I myself almost had a melt-down worrying that someone would get left out of the great picture taking event. Later, mom got ushered down the aisle by a young man who did not know the meaning of" slowly"---I held my breath for fear she would stumble or faint from over exertion, but she had no problem at all and seemed to lose all her years as she floated like a young woman, adrift in her lovely chiffon dress and grand-motherly pride. She had made it after all, as had so many more of us to witness this long awaited event and widening of our family circle. "I now pronounce you husband and wife". It was suddenly over, and yet, it was just beginning-- I began to breathe a little easier as I watched the new man and wife flow back down the aisle, beaming and actually shouting with joy.

No stranger to weddings, I don't know why I find the tying of the knot, so nerve-wracking. After the actual tying, I am fine---but the ceremony has always made me a" train wreck". I thought back on my daughter's big day some years ago. All went reasonably well, considering we did not have the luxury of a "wedding planner". But a few days before the event, my husband severely ruptured his achilles heel, while playing tennis with me! I turned around to see him on his knees and I practically went to mine---no, not now, I thought---not now! The surgery was put off until after the wedding and he managed to make it down the aisle on crutches with our daugher while I prayed every inch of the way that he would not trip on her dress. His complexion was as white as her dress as he awkwardly and excrutiatingly made his way to the alter and through the ceremony. The day was full of joy, but not without stress---and a good deal of pain medicine.

Weddings are wonderful----but somehow I'm always glad when they're over. I like the reception---the food, the dancing, the toasts---the palpable sense of relief that permeates the room. Maybe it's because I know so well all the thought that goes into the planning, the guest lists, the menu, the possible hurt feelings for those left out of this or that, and on and on. And maybe its because I remember my own pre-wedding nerves when in the middle of all the excitement I suddenly began to think of the words--"till death shall we part". OMG---that's a very long time, I thought---could I do that? Could he do that? Could we do that? Toward the end of my newphew's and his bride's reception , the disc jockey played "Sunrise, Sunset", and finally, listening to the words, I relaxed and thought,Yes---it actually is " I do"-able. The days of our lives are doled out, one sunrise, sunset at a time---how very fortunate and lovely to share it all with one's true love. But is it okay if I step outside for some air?

As the evening finally wound down, and we left the reception building, we were bid farewell by the still beaming groom and his bride, who somehow now looked like a husband and wife. Moving further outside I noticed two huge movie klieg lights, the type that are used to announce all manner of grand openings, award shows, etc. My nephew, a film major, had added this final dramatic touch to his joyous celebration. The two white, bright lights criss crossed and lit up the night sky, as if to say---something special just happened! Indeed it had. My wedding nerves finally gone, I gave the new husband a hug and rejoiced at the look of sheer happiness on his face. Congratulations, dear newlyweds---viva l'amour! May it last and last and last---