To Mom, With Love---90 years Old, But Who's Counting?

If you are lucky, you still have a parent living---maybe two if you are very lucky. My Mom will be 90 years old in June and is still reasonably healthy for her age. When I was a little girl, I used to pray that nothing would ever take her from me. Now, I pray that she not have to stay longer than she can happily manage. We are going to celebrate her life with a big party---her idea!! She thinks 90 is quite an accomplishment, and we couldn't agree more. But that isn't to say she's thrilled about being 90---she despises it, complains about it a lot, and often says she's ready to go. I don't believe it---where she's ready to go is---shopping !! Problem is, she doesn't have the energy anymore, and that makes her very frustrated and sad. That's the ironic unfairness of old age---your mind and spirit don't grow old like your body does. Inside my mother's body is maybe a 30 year old, aching to get out. I see her in there when I gaze at her still lovely blue eyes, and I wish I could turn back the clock---but it keeps relentlessly ticking and with each passing year, she becomes more frail. She is still like no other 90 year old lady I've ever met----bright as a button, sharp as a tack, and more beautiful than any young person can ever be. I will miss her when she's gone, like no other person I've ever known---even more than my Dad, whom I adored. Mom has been my best friend and confidante---the one person I count on, whether I like it or not, to tell me the brutal truth---" Don't you think you should do something different with your hair?", or " Have you put on a little weight?",or my favorite, "Why would you want to do that?" As we've grown older together, I've caught myself snapping back on occasion, with the typical child to parent rebuttal---"because I'm me, Mom, not you. " In other words," you're not the boss of me anymore!" Of course,I always feel guilty afterwards---but these things need to be said in order to define our changing roles with each other---at some point, all of us must leave the child behind, take a stand, and claim our independence to our parents. I think in some ways Mom and I are closer now than ever--- we know each other so thoroughly, faults and all, but have found our way to a deeper relationship--woman to woman, but always mother and daughter. She may not be the boss of me, but I will always seek her wisdom.

As I watch mom struggle with the inevitable ravages of old age, my heart breaks for her. We both know this is a battle she's going to lose, and the odds get worse with each passing year. Her heart is weak, she can only see out of one eye, and is in constant pain from a back condition. Still what is left is worth the battle----life never stops giving, even as it is taking away. And moms never wear out their welcome.

I wish I could think of something outrageously special to do for her birthday, like dancing clowns, or maybe even male strippers, but perhaps it will be enough to surround Mom with her family and a few friends---a circle of love to wrap her in with warm wishes and a toast for good health--- enough to see her through life's final chapters. I'm hoping the rest of her story will be filled with yet a few surprises, maybe even a new way of looking at things, a few grand slams in Bridge, or maybe even---a new love! They say that's what keeps you young---maybe I'll add that to my prayer. So, happy birthday, Mom---don't you be leaving us any time soon. Who's going to tell me to fix my hair or get over myself? Love you---