IS THE DOCTOR IN??

Have you been to a doctor lately? It's not my favorite thing to do, but recently I was called in to discuss blood work I had done a week or so prior. I asked if they could discuss it over the phone with me and was told, "uh, no". Hm-m-m--not good. I don't know what your experience has been, but lately seeing a real doctor is like getting in to see the King or the President. He's always away or busy with someone else. On this day, my doctor could not see me because he himself had to see a doctor for an injury. So, as usual, I saw the physician's assistant. or p.a., as she is called. I have become quite good friends with her, and find her very capable. I call her Nancy. She calls me Kellee, and it's all good. She even refers to the doctor as " Steve" . I kind of miss the formality and the white jackets, which have been replaced quite some time ago by sports shirts and khaki pants. I like doctors to look like doctors. At least Nancy wears a nurses' smock.


Anyway, upon settling in with Nancy in the cozy little examining room, I had to remind her why I was there---oh yes, my blood results. "Well, she said, everything looks good except for right here where it gets messy", pointing to my bad cholesterol numbers. "You are over the edge into the high category. You are also very deficient in vitamin D, and your bones could begin disintegrating at any moment." She did not say the last part quite like that, but basically that's what she implied. " Is that all?", I asked. She nodded and asked if I had any other concerns. Thinking I might as well cover everything, I asked her to look at my recently broken finger, which is still crooked and has two little red bumps that are not healing. She looked at my finger, said it did not look right to her, and flew out of the office to summon the doctor, who had somehow managed to get to the office after all. I thought she was over-reacting a bit, and was much more concerned with what to do about my high cholesterol count.

But after several minutes, Steve appeared, with a cane, a limp, and a look that seemed to say, "This had better be good". He is probably about 75 years old, but still quite handsome, with the whitest teeth I've ever seen. Obviously, he has had them bleached to a fare thee well, which is probably why he seems to smile a lot. He is comedic in a way, annoying in another way, but somehow likable. I just wasn't in a particularly jolly mood at that point and when he proceeded to make fun of my injured finger and my vain concern over the unattractive crookedness and red bumps, I felt like kicking his cane away. He said, "Now, as we get older, we have to expect things to get a little less than perfect, etc." No kidding. This was followed by his asking me if I knew what the life expectancy was of women who lived 100 years ago. I suddenly felt like I had to participate in a game of trivia, and actually came close with my answer, which was 42. Wrong!! Steve smugly said "No, it was 47!" Well, excuse me for still being alive!! I so wanted to tell him that it wasn't my idea to bother him, that it was Nancy's, and also that he was being a jerk with or without his white coat. But afraid that Nancy would then get into trouble for becoming practically hysterical over my finger, I feigned the dumb blonde routine with a touch of hypochondria. I managed to ask if I could fore go taking medicine for the high cholesterol and just change my diet. Steve smiled cynically, and said something about the American diet not being conducive to having the ability to bring down my numbers. At this point, Nancy chimed in with "you could have a stroke or heart attack and we are trying to practice preventative medicine here!"I thought the most preventative step I could take right then, was to leave, which I did. Funny how an afternoon at the doctor's office can make you feel ill.

I have nothing against doctors, and for those of you out there who are or have been one, thank you very much for your service. Whatever would we do without doctors? Dr. Steve is a dying breed, I understand, as general family doctors have mostly been replaced by specialists. Maybe that's why I keep going back to him---I appreciate his service too, and don't want to contribute to his demise. Bur then, he could always try doing dental commercials or stand up comedy.

But I'm wondering---are physician's assistants another new normal? Aren't there already too few doctors to handle the current load of patients? What does the future hold when the new health care plan demands care for so many more patients? I'm thinking we should all learn to take our own blood pressure,consume tons of calcium, walk more, get plenty of sunshine, drink gallons of water ,and petition the doctors to put their white coats on again. And one more thing, Steve----I really don't care how long women used to live a hundred years ago, or even last month---just do what you have to do to keep me going strong for as long as possible. I, in turn, promise not to bother you again about silly, cosmetic issues. Mind if I ask where you got your gorgeous teeth done?

REVENGE, REGRETS, AND RIVERS OF TEARS

They say revenge is best served cold. I don't know what that means. "Revenge is mine saith the Lord", and that's good enough for me---but when it happens without my planning or scheming it, it isn't mine, it's just nice! Case in point---recently I and a tennis partner won, hands down, slam dunk, 6-0, 6-0, a doubles match against a couple of 30 somethings, who had " only just started playing tennis" a couple of years ago. Yeah, right--I don't think so. So when one of them approached and defeatedly said, " you put the ball so accurately where you want to", I was tempted to say, "cry me a river, baby cakes---I've been hitting balls since before you were born---and there's no way you've just learned to play two years ago!" Actually, I felt for this young woman, who still thinks if she hits the ball hard enough, she'll kill the opponent. I've been there and she will learn the value of finesse and accuracy in time. But in the meantime, she made my day! If that feeling was revenge, it was sa-weet! The revenge of age against youth is hard to deny---it waits in the wings, quietly, for a chance to say --"-gotcha"!! But we're talking a tennis game, here. What about real life?

Revenge can be a driving force in one's life. I know people who say they owe part of their success to the revenge of proving people wrong .They did well because others thought they never would. I don't know if that's revenge, as much as great motivation. They say living well is the best revenge. But what is living well? And why should we constantly be measuring our worth against someone else's standards? To do well, is to do your best at something you love. To live well is to live healthfully in body and spirit. To be well has less to do with revenge, than yielding, giving a pass, even accepting a loss with grace. To win, to be the best, is a great feeling---but it isn't everything. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many unhappy winners around, like Tiger Woods, who claims he never enjoyed his victories, because of his guilt----cry me a river, too, Tiger. Or Andre Agassi, who claims he was never happy as a world class tennis player, because his dad made him do it against his will. Don't cry me a river, Andre-- that's kind of sad, but get over it----you could have changed course at some point, and you look pretty happy to me now. These men were not living well, in spite of their outward success.

In the book, "The Shift", by Wayne Dyer, he says that the worst regret in life is a life without meaning, and that happiness comes from finding a purpose---your own purpose, not someone else's. The "shift" comes when we let go of the chase for things, status, and even happiness, because none of those things bring contentment, as they are all temporary and a product of our egos, rather than our souls. To let go of one's ego is tough--- we're taught to to excel, to win, to become somebody. But with age, comes a certain forced letting go, perhaps a return to our original un-needy selves. Is that what "downsizing" is all about? "Letting go, and letting God"? Returning to one's passion? Volunteering to assist others? Looking at everyone with softer eyes ?Not being defined by what our careers are or were, but by what lies beneath our exterior? Too bad it takes a lifetime to learn how to be what we perhaps knew all along---that self worth, happiness and contentment come not from without, but from within. Dr.Dyer writes that that is how we started after all, with no-thing and how we'll end---alone, with whatever we essentially are and have ultimately become, sans things, position, and worldly acclaim. He espouses a move away from ambition to purpose, driven by a higher calling. The learned emotions of envy, greed, revenge, regrets, and self pity are the results of a life not well lived and never taste very good for very long--served hot or cold . They are counter productive to what we are meant to be---loving, productive, healthy reflections of a Source who is all those things and has drawn His map to contentment on our hearts. We are to love Him, ourselves, and each other, and everything else will fall into place.

Well, in summary,I think Mr. Dyer's points are very well taken. But, I have to wonder---has God ever played tennis? I really don't think I can eliminate ambition and ego from beating people like "Baby Cakes". Surely our Creator has a sense of competition---but, then again, maybe He's never played tennis, or Bridge, or football. He did say, "I am the Alpha and the Omega"---He is the One, the Bomb, the Only One, and he wants us to know that---so he does seem a wee bit competitive, and he definitely likes to win. So do I, but I want to do it nicely. So maybe next time, I'll forget about revenge and sweetly say "Thanks, I've only just started playing a week ago"---if that somehow means I'll never feel the "shift" to a more spiritual person, well, then, I guess I'll just have to cry me a river----

Come Fly With Me

Does Spring make you nostalgic? It does me---I want to fly away on a breeze, dream a little dream, and warm my bones to the toasty sunshine that precludes the heat of summer. Spring, so soft, so fresh, so full of hope makes me ache with yearning and I don't have a clue as to why. Not really into yearning. Don't even like the word itself---it sort of gets stuck in your mouth, and yearning steals from the present. Still, yearn, I do. Maybe I'm homesick for something I don't even remember, and Spring casts a sort of deja vu spell. Like meeting a passing, wonderful stranger for the first and only time, yet knowing you've known them, or the essence of them before--and then they are gone--- like the Spring will be; and I'm missing them before they've even left. It happens to me every year. But then summer arrives in all its splendor and I'm full-throttle, happy as a lark-----life is good. This annual longing that's appeased only by the fullness of summer puzzles me. But we are after all, creatures of light, dependent upon the sun, and need it like grass needs water; so maybe the bright Colorado summer brilliance is what burns away my melancholy and makes me forget the perfect, but fragile glow of Spring . Summer, so raucously full of life, invites us to her party, and to dance in the sunlight.

Whatever it is, I wait impatiently for summer every year and it is then that I'm finally, not only happy, but content. The blue and yellow colors of the sky and sun paint my days, making them feel all brand new. The long, hot days melt rewardingly into warm nights that invite you to slumber with windows open, fans gently blowing, and blankets tossed aside. I'm sure the original paradise was permanently warm. Cold is just wrong.

Maybe your heaven is a hiking trail, a day on the golf course, a cool morning in your garden, a sultry evening walk with someone special , or maybe even just the rhythmic sounds of a water sprinkler. Don't you love water sprinklers? And wouldn't you just love once again to run through those million sparkling flecks of water, especially when they make rainbows? Whatever your summer pleasures are, they are just around the corner---but, blink, and it will be fall again. If you don't believe it, watch the sun as it sets on a summer day---it's racing with the moon. Relish it all, eyes and heart wide open.

A word of warning: Don't get too attached to those heady warm days---like flying too close to the sun, you can get burned. Summer, as loving and fun as she seems, is not faithful. She will betray and leave you over and over again; and she will take her golden hours with her---off to see her other lovers. For me, the autumn season, as lovely as it is , will not replace the giddy, carefree joy of summer. But then, maybe we are not meant to be summer happy all the time----would it somehow speed our hearts beyond its alloted beats, over-stress our circuits, and blow our fuses? Guess that's what seasons are for---to remind us that this is not paradise, and that nothing lasts forever. So, I will not yearn any longer for summer. It's just a season, after all, and who needs a season for a reason to be happy? I will float in the gentleness of spring, mellow out in the fall, wrap myself in the coziness of winter, and not even think about how it feels to soar in summertime happiness, but for now ---- I just heard a water sprinkler---excuse me, I've gotta run----

YES, I CAN'T!!

"I can't". Those were the words of my two year old grand daughter, Addyson, as she and her older sister and I competed in a rousing game of Candy Land the other night. I admit, the competition was getting pretty intense, and Addyson was falling behind, but rather than put up with this, she simply said, I can't, and no amount of coaxing, could get her to move her plastic player on the board. "Yes, you can", I cajoled---"you can do it, Addyson, just move your little doll". "No, I can't", period, end of story. She really meant, "I won't, I'm bored, and you are not the boss of me!" I love the fledgling independence of two year olds---they are not concerned with political correctness or explaining their preferences or opinions---it's enough to just say "no". I admired her growing sense of self and envied her freedom to speak her feelings. How I'd love to sometimes say with less trepidation, " I can't agree with you, can't laugh at that joke, can't support that, can't allow you to say that about my friend, can't play your game any longer! I'm done and done." But, that kind of freedom of speech doesn't always come easy as an adult . We learn to hide our feelings, so as not to make a scene, cause an awkward moment, hurt others, or embarrass ourselves.

In a movie titled" Liar, Liar" with Jim Currey, his character was cursed with having to always tell the truth, no matter what---the results were hilarious---and devastating. Editing ourselves and considering the consequences of our words are good things----sometimes; but other times, the withholding of words can be as egregious as giving too many or speaking too harshly. It is said that our eyes are the windows to our souls---but of course,our words are the messengers of our thoughts and the door through which we invite people in, or not. God bless those who find it difficult to express themselves; and likewise, God bless those who choose , and sometimes with great risk of rejection, to open their door,to share themselves through words, eloquently or not. Sometimes it is the only road to forgiveness,redemption, understanding, or just plain putting your "two cents worth in." I have a friend whose husband lost his speech due to a stroke. He has not spoken in several years, and is unable to communicate very much at all. Needless to say, this has altered their lives dramatically--and they had no choice in the matter. To speak is such a gift--to actually manifest our thoughts. To be articulate, that is to have the ability to transfer your thoughts accurately and beautifully, is a bonus gift, but not necessarily a sign of superior intelligence. Either you have it or you don't. George Bush did not have it. Barack Obama oozes with it. Well spoken or not, too little or too much, I love people who say what they mean and mean what they say---from the heart. Like little Addyson!

Addyson's complete honesty had a different side to it that evening--as she carefully examined my new shoes, she said, "I yike your shoes." That totally made up for her poor sportsmanship! That's the thing about two year olds---their honesty is never hurtful, because it's never ingratiating, malicious or mean--just truthful, from the heart, not the ego. Long live the courage and directness of two year olds---may it be awhile before they learn to say---"I'm sorry, but I have a migraine coming on---" instead of "I don't yike your game!"

ANGEL UNLEASHED--A SORT OF EASTER STORY

Once upon a time there was a little soul, floating around, minding her own business---and everyone else's. Of course, she was an angel, and that's what angels do. But one day, as she was looking over her flock, so to speak, she decided she wanted to be one of them---the humans. She had been thinking about it for a long time, and so she went to her Source, her Father, her God, and she said--"Please, if I may be so bold, as to ask a rather unusual favor". "What is it, my child", said God. " Well, Lord, I would like to, uh, well, I would like to go down there."

"Down there?,God said. How far down are we talking?" " No,not all the way down, said the angel. I want to become human---I want to feel their human joy---and their pain, so that I can better relate to them---and feel more whole, not just angelic." " Do you know what you are asking, said God. This life you're desiring is not easy, not a bowl of cherries---it's well, it's the pits sometimes. It will try your faith, break your heart, and challenge you in every way. It will, however, be at times, fun and exhilarating---you will love,and laugh, but then weep, and anguish---and yes, you will know pain." " I don't care---I'm ready for it--I want to know what being human feels like", said the angel." "Alright, said God, you may go---but once you're there, you must not complain----such is life. It's good and it's ugly, happy and sad, kind and viscous, ---and well, life is just not fair. And, there's only one way out--not always pleasant And one more thing----you will not remember anything of what you know now. There's even a chance you will turn away from me in disbelief, resentment and bitterness, and that would be disastrous for both of us. You see, the human mind cannot fully comprehend my existence and why some very sad and tragic things happen." The angel looked inquisitively at this God she adored with all her heart- -"I cannot imagine that----I will always love you. May I ask one more thing of you, Lord? When my time comes, please don't forget me! Bring me back home---where I can once again be your angel and serve you and my flock even better." " I will not forget you little one, said God. In fact, I will always be with you, in you, if you look for me."

And so, she went---and she lived life as we know it---with all it's joys and sorrows. At first,she reveled in the pleasures of life. She loved being alive and able to feel everything, to breathe, to run like the wind ,to eat and drink,love and be loved She was quite an unusual angel, not at all what you would expect---saucy and sassy, she rather enjoyed her human-ness. But then, as hearts do, hers broke with pain and grief, then mended , then ---broke again---and again,until she was bent over in disillusionment and loneliness--not only for herself, but for so many others as well. She had grown old and her faith, once strong, had withered---until one day, she felt something, almost like a whisper, or a thought, a slight voice that said: If she were to focus her attention on all those around her, her own pain and loneliness would fade some. And so she did, and the more she came to the aid of others, the better she felt. It was as if that were her true calling . She decided to simply believe and not to question why there was so much suffering, but to do her best to comfort and be a source of cheer and encouragement.

Her faith returned and she began to feel God's presence in her life once again. Her spirit, no longer broken, soared---and one night, just as she was thinking that things were going quite well, she died! She could feel herself leaving her body, and then she heard a familiar voice. " Where am I?",she said. " You are home, my child, where you belong," said God. She was filled with relief and joy-----and then sadness for all those she had left behind. " Oh, but Father there is much work to be done yet down there-- and I didn't learn to help until it was almost too late! Those people, they're in such need----you must send someone, better and stronger than I." And God said," I already have, my dear, I already have. Now, go be an angel." And she did---feeling more whole and angelic than ever she had in her whole eternal/earthly life. But every now and then, she is allowed to visit the humans for a short time----and so, the next time a stranger smiles at you or gives you a hand, for no earthly reason, ----well, you just never know.