Buh-bye 2009, See Ya, So Long

Here it comes---ready or not! 2010 is galloping towards us---she rides with all flags flying, fresh and new. The old year, worn and used up slinks off to the past. Old years are among the few things I don’t mind saying good-bye to---they’ve done their job, for better or worse----time to move on. I read somewhere that God gives us time because he wants us to grow up---I would think so.

But in general, I hate "good-byes"---with a passion. Not the casual," see ya latergater" type, or the "gotta run, bye-e-e-" or even the" buh-by" chirped so cheerily by airline personnel as you deplane. It's the more final departures that leave me feeling half there. I don't even like the word, "good-bye"-- what's good about leaving someone, even someone you may have just met --- like a fellow passenger on a 17 hour plane ride? Or the nice man at the hotel desk in Florence who gave you a tooth-brush package when your luggage got lost on the way to Italy? You know you will never see these people again--but you will always remember them.

But the really tough good-byes in life are those we all know about---some worse than others. For me, it started with the passing of my grandmother. I wasn't very close to her, but still I felt the cold finality of good-bye for the first time---o.k., so this is what it feels like, I thought. I can handle this---wrong. It got worse. Upon leaving home for the first time, and watching the pain on my mother's face, I thought, she feels worse than I do--but that made me sad also. After that, there was a long string of good-byes to friends, co-workers, and room-mates, some more painful than others, but aways the feeling that a piece of me had gone with them. After that, the good-byes seemed to stop for awhile as married life and children hummed merrily along---lots of hello's. Till one day, the family dog, Fritzi, our cock-a-poo who looked more like cross between a schnauzer and a raccoon, had to be put down---and guess who had to do the honors? As he lay gazing at me with his sad, tired eyes, I knew that he knew--he wasn't coming home again. I touched his licorice black nose, whispered "good-bye" , and felt the familiar ache of separation.

Saying good-bye to the children as they moved out of the nest was a mix of sadness, happiness, and relief----but some of them come back---and then you get another chance to say hello and good-bye again--and again. Finally, they are gone and then just when you think all the good-byes are done, they begin all over again. Losing one's parents is never easy, and if you're lucky, it's a slow good-bye as you watch them slowly age. As I watched my dad become old, sick, and then terribly robbed of his mind, it was actually a relief to see him go----he did not want to leave and did not say good-bye, but as he struggled for his last breath, my brothers and I gathered around as all children do---"save a place for us up there, Dad", "thanks for being our Dad", and then not able to say "good-bye", I mumbled---"you're outta here, Dad---you're free---go". That has been the worst pain so far, and I know there will be more. I also know that I have been very lucky to have not experienced much more and much worse. Life just isn't fair--some good-bys are too hard to even write about.

The philosophers among us say that we are all on a journey and that the people we meet along the way are all living lessons for us to learn from--they come and they go and we must learn and then let go. The lessons never stop. Recently we had to lay off a long-time employee and I wept as we did so---breaking up is hard to do. I used to wonder why some people used the older term of "so long"---now I know.

"Well, HELLO, Gorgeous!" That's a line from Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand, who says it with such unbridled joy and unabashed love to her wayward boy friend. I love it because it's so opposite from good-bye---it's what I keep trying to say to life and all my dear ones ---before the next good-byes come around. So, Hello, 2010!!! I hope you are gorgeous----I’ll even settle for mildly attractive.

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Love, Kellee