BEWITCHED???

Have you ever felt bewitched---by someone or something? Well, it's never too late---and the most bewitching of days is almost upon us. Halloween, where anyone can become anything is almost here. To become a witch is one thing---but to become bewitched is quite another. The dictionary defines "bewitching" as being captivated or totally fascinated, as in under a spell, or like magic. Is that what happens when we "fall in love"? When your world turns from black and white to brilliant techn-nicolor? When your heart sings, and your feet want to dance? Probably, but there are other kinds of bewitchment---the birth of a child, your dream home, your first glimpse of a lovely new country, even a new idea or a new friend can totally bewitch and enchant. us out of ourselves into a state like no other. Frank Sinatra sang of it so convincingly with his song, "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered", and you get the impression that he liked the feeling----we all do. It's part of who we are in that we want to be taken from ourselves and into something else---but finding the bewitchable becomes harder as we grow older, more skeptical, and cynical. And so, we begin to lose the ability to become totally charmed or captivated by anyone,thing, or idea. Only occasionally do we allow ourselves to fall away into the spell of a beautiful song, or a sunset, or a person. We hold onto ourselves, as though we might give away too much and not be able to retrieve it, or someone might think we are too generous, loving, or even needy. And that is sometimes a good thing.

Bewitchment can even happen on a large scale to a country. In 2008, a very charasmatic black man with a strange name and very different background from the typical American, completely captivated a large portion of the American imagination Outside of having served in the Senate for a short time, he was a virtual stranger to most of us. But what he said and how he said it inspired the hopes and dreams of many----this man became our next and current president of the United States. When one would ask why someone voted for this virtual unknown, they would simply say, "I like him." No facts or policy beliefs were given as reasons, other than they were very disenchanted with George Bush, and the Iraq war. That was it--- It was as though , in spite of insufficient knowledge of Barack's substance, they wanted to align themselves with this almost magical force that was sweeping the country. Obama became not only the man of the hour, but some called him the "messiah", the savior of a weary country. We were, many of us, completely bewitched by this man and his fresh, cool syle. How long will the spell last? Obama is still liked personally, but his political popularity has dropped dramatically. This was a case of a whole country , or at least a majority, becoming so attracted to their idea of a man they barely knew, that they arrived at a point of adoration---enough to sweep him into office, against all odds. Bewitchment happened ---then reality set in. Obama was beset by huge problems and too many warring philosophies as to how to fix them. In the end, he seemed to fail completely to satisfy anyone, including those who were on his side from the beginning. The spell appears to have been broken, and now, as President Obama, watches his magic disappear, he still struggles to re-capture earlier believers with his speeches. It remains to be seen if he will once again find a way to bewitch, or even better, show us by his actions and his words that he is a leader we can truly all follow and trust. That may not be so magical, but it would be bewitchment of a different kind---- faith and loyalty to a man who shows he can transcend even his own esoteric views to serve a whole country, not just a piece of it.

Recently, I attended a symphony which featured music by Beethoven. You could feel the audience warming, becoming totally appreciative, and finally bewitched. Their standing ovation was their way of saying "thank you, not only for the music, but for carrying us away for awhile. But there are those who feel certain kinds of music, such as heavy metal, rock 'n roll, or rap can impact, bewitch, if you will, our children in a negative way.
So, even music, the universal language demands our scrutiny.

Every now and then, in our own smaller circles, someone, even a complete stranger comes along and lights up a moment or longer with their smile, or their attitude, or their delightful personality. Celebrities and athletes often fall into this category. You want to be in their company, to bask in their light, and see the world through their cheerful prism. Choose your object of bewitchment carefully. Children, on the other hand, with their zest for life sprinkle magic on our lives. So do good books, wonderful pets, supportive friends and spouses. We are the magic for each other. I look for it every day, and sometimes find it; other times I simply long for it. I want to be bewitched, to know that feeling of leaving myself, off to another sphere of reality where I no longer care what anyone thinks, or how I look, or anything at all. I am in the zone of a magical feeling-----bewitched, beyond ego, and blissful to the point of a peace that comes when one is resonating with the joy of complete surrender to something or someone. I feel it when my grand daughters rush into my arms to give me a hug. or when I catch a first glimpse of the sea after a long absence, or when I hear the voice of a beloved friend who calls every now and then, and a million other little things that have very little to do with material wealth and everything to do with satisfying the part of us that knows we are more creatures of spirit than body. That spirit wants to adore, loves to laugh, love, and share with another in the exquisite synergy that occurs when one is bewitched. It reminds us of our quest for joy, out of ourselves, free of anything that keeps us from being complete and burdened by life's cares and stress---we are broomless, but over the moon with a magical spell called happiness. It only comes in dribs and drabs, for we are bound to earth with responsibilities, boundaries, cares, and stress, but once a year, an opportunity for it knocks on your door---- it's Halloween and it says to all who would listen, c'mon out and play, pretend, feel the magic. I used to know a lady who was the mom of a good friend. Every Halloween she would dress as a very believable witch and go door to door by herself, long after her children had grown beyond trick or treating, laughing and cackling. It was a neighborhood tradition, and we all thought she was a little bit, well--- eccentric. She probably was, but maybe she knew something we didn't---we're never to old to be be-witched!

Enjoy your Halloween----may you even become a little bewitched with all the little goblins and not too irritated with the larger, older ones, knowing that they, too, need to pretend. Maybe you'll even even become a witch, instead of bewitching! But come next Tues. Nov. 2, it's time to return to reality----vote and vote without bewitchment---because this one is, if not for all the marbles, many of them. Do we want a government to be our nanny, our caretaker, our big brother? Or do we want a government that allows for more individual freedoms and business and free enterprise, the life blood of our economy, to flourish without so much government interference that it chokes on it and finally dies? Whatever happens, may we finally begin to be a nation once again proud, healthy, strong, and a leader among nations, not one to be chastised and apologetic for who we are. That's not us for long---bewitched, maybe, but not without an antidote---it's called a blow-back, followed by a come back, or the generic term----voting. "Witch" ever you choose, may God bless America, as we grope forward in the present darkness of this slogging economy---trick or treat??

A BATTLE FOR POWER BEGINS-----VOTE!!!!

Here we go again---election time, USA style, is upon us. Are you enjoying all the very biased political ads? The insulting TV commercials? The recorded nuisance phone calls by various and assorted politicians or survey takers? It's all part of the game called politics, but this year it's serious business, even though it's just the mid-term election. The balance of power is hanging in the balance, as many seats in both the Senate and the House are up for grabs Obama and administration are running scared, as they face heavy criticism about the state of the economy, worsening unemployment, and the still very dubious health care bill. All predictions point to the Republicans winning landslide victories in the upcoming races---but don't count on it yet. President Obama is not about to fold his cards, and is once again on the campaign trail trying to make his now very familiar case that the country's woes are all the Republicans' fault, and that given more time, he and his heavily slanted congress will fix what's broken. Perhaps, but Americans can be a fickle people, falling in love with a President for awhile, then becoming disenchanted and even bitter if they feel he is not the man they thought he would be. Many feel that while he may need more time, what he's shown so far is not to their liking---the change has been too much, and the hope has never materialized. Instead, we've been given a heavy dose of, if not socialism, then the next thing to it, with government being given more and more power as a fix for all that is wrong. The feeling in some quarters is that we can't afford to allow Obama and his extreme left wing medicine much more time. Things are moving too swiftly in the wrong direction, and perhaps now, as never before, the Republicans and even some Democrats feel it is urgent to swing the balance of power at least more to the middle before it's too late, and we are then stuck with legislation that will be harmful and too difficult to remove for years to come.

Many presidents, including President Clinton, when faced with a disapproving public, moved more compromisingly to the center of the political spectrum, but Obama is not a "centrist", and perhaps may never become one. He is a man who believes so ferociously in his convictions and his vision of America that he is willing to gamble even his political future and that of his party on them. He feels in his gut that he is doing the right thing for the general good, and appears to have no intentions of being swayed. Instead, in an effort to stave off the tsumani of predicted defeat within his ranks, he continues to rail against the right, even making false and unsupported statements, to convince voters to once again believe in him, most recently demonstrated by his remarks regarding the United States Chamber of Commerce, a non-profit lobbying organization for businesses in the U.S., accusing them of using "foreign monies" to finance ads against him. Upon investigation of this charge, there was absolutely no evidence of foreign money being used for campaign financing. It was a careless, unsupported criticism, made by a president who was looking for a way to disrepute his opponents. Yes, there are other politicians from both sides who have committed the same sin of baseless accusations; however, it seems the president should be above this kind of rhetoric. But, no matter, this is a man with a radical world view quite different from any previous president, and a steely determination to drive it home, including the abuse of power once in a while. Instead of moving more to the center, he digs in even more, and announces to us during a speech that the reason we are worried is that we are fearful, and that our judgement is therefore clouded. Is this not a sign of arrogance? Does he think he is smarter and wiser than all of us? Should he speak so condescendingly to our concerns? And is this the hallmark of a man who feels he knows best, in spite of philosophical differences to the contrary, and will continue to rule with a hard hand and unbending might---as he did with the passage of the health care bill, which was obviously a work of forced legislation, even among his own skeptical party members? Is it "my way, or the highway", that regardless of whether he and his party go down, he will pridefully feel he has succeeded, because his views were implemented, like them or not, and he will have changed the course of this country's destiny? The stakes are high, and there are, indeed, those from both parties who are fearful, not only about this country's future, but their own as well. But for now the Dems seem to be obediently marching lock step to their leader's rallying cry---"don't let them drive our car back into the ditch!"

The Republicans, on the other hand, have a lot to worry about as well. Unlike the Dems, they do not all bow to one master or one platform of ideas. They seem to have the opposite problem, in that they do not seem to have a cohesive message . The grand old party has become unwieldy, and without any clear leader. Their views range from moderate to conservative to extreme right wing and they can't seem to get their act together. In the meantime, the Tea Party Express does have one main message---"throw the bums out" seems to be it. They have no trouble making themselves clear--much less government control is their chief rallying cry, and they are not afraid to say so. Already they are threatening to become a third party by their sheer ever growing numbers. This does not bode well for the Republicans, but perhaps it's time for them to morph into a more effective choice of contrast against the ever left leaning Democrats. Though labeled "the party of no" by the Democrats, they have been rendered practically powerless by the onslaught of bills passed which give the government historic control. It has been laughable to hear them described as "obstructionists" by President Obama and those of his party. How can they obstruct such a majority of Democrats in the congress? They can push back, make noise, hold filibusters, but they cannot, at the end of the day, hold back the will of a one partisan machine. And perhaps, therein lies the seeds of discontent now making itself known in the country----the imbalance of power is making a lot of us uncomfortable.

The country has gone through many presidents and many pendulum swings of policies and ideologies, and we at heart kind of like it that way. So did our founding fathers, who designed our government in such a way to keep us balanced ----but have we lost our balance? At this point in time, the pendulum seems to have swung too far, too fast---and President Obama is right when he says we are afraid--- but we will be the judge of our reasoning. He and his party were elected to lead, but not to pull and push us over the edge of our concerns. Lockstep isn't our style. Neither is a one sided government for very long. But the votes are not in yet. Much can still happen, as each party girds for the battle about to ensue---split tickets, independent and minority voters, attack ads from both sides, complacency,world events, and yes, even a president who may yet undergo an epiphany and decide to change and begin to speak more inclusively, instead of dividing us into the "they's" and "we's". And the most important unknown? The true American mind. Polls are just polls, and don't always reflect the heart and soul of a nation.

We are a nation deeply polarized. But Americans have a way of sorting through things. We may be fickle, but we are true to our belief in ourselves and the fact that it is our country, and does not belong to any one party or one president. It is ours to mold and shape and become what we, in all our diversity, will create. That's what elections are all about----the coming together of the people to speak---many voices, but one clear mandate---we will decide for ourselves, and we will have the last say. Be sure to let your voice be heard--vote on November 2cnd!!!!

BULLIES IN OUR SCHOOLS, HOMES, AND POLITICS

This week the news was full of a national epidemic and the tragic results. Bullying is the shame of this country in our schools, and more recently on the internet, where some kids have learned it is great sport to bully, tease, and threaten unmercifully. It has resulted in several suicides across the country. Statistics show that 15-25% of school children are bullied and that bullying begins in elementary school, continues on through high school, and tapers off finally in college. It has gone on far too long, while teachers have either turned their backs on the problem, or sometimes even participated in the derision or teasing of certain students. Even some parents seem to ascribe to the notion that bullying is part of growing up. I have always despised that excuse---bullying in the school yard , the school halls, or the internet is far worse than anything adults usually encounter in the outside world and it is naive to think that anything can be gained by either the bullier or the bullied---it is wrong, terribly damaging, and dangerous. Last week a college student committed suicide after learning that his room mate had video taped him and a friend of the same sex engaging in a sexual act, and then ran it on the internet for all to see.

The schools are at long last trying to curb this cruel, childish behavior and it is high time. Some states have enacted anti-bullying laws. Our children deserve better than to have to go to school afraid, but more afraid to tell anyone, for fear there will be even worse consequences. Several years ago, a boy by the name of Matthew Shepherd, a student at the University of Wyoming, was tortured, beaten, tied to a fence and left to die on a cold winter night at the hands of two local boys. The reason? He was gay. I will never forget the look of anguish on the face of Matthew's mother as it appeared in a local paper. She went on to advocate for anti-hatred laws. For those who think such laws are unnecessary and are redundant---take a look at the statistics. Hate crimes, especially against gay people are far too many, and if the laws already on the books won't stop it, then more needs to be done. The dirty little secret is that for too many years, gay people have been considered fair game for jokes, smirks, stares, and bullying---and not just in schools. It has been considered o.k., even among otherwise sophisticated, educated, and well mannered people, to giggle or make disparaging jokes about people of different sexual orientations, as though this was the one group of people that society as a whole deemed beneath their respect and protection of rights. Have we as a society changed our attitudes toward the gay and lesbian among us? Hopefully, as they have decided to "come out", we have more increasingly learned to clean out our pre-conceived judgements and very damaging indictments against them. How dare we judge another for their right to live their private lives as they choose, and for which they may have no choice but to be who and how they were born to be. "Don't ask, don't tell", the standard rule of conduct for the military is now being challenged by the gay rights champions. One hopes they win this important battle of rights, but one also hopes they will not pay for it with bullying as a result of their right to be honest.

Peer pressure is intense in school, and can be in part blamed for some of the bullying that goes on , but the bully is often born at home, not at birth, but by parents who allow and even foster belittling of others, whether it is of a sexual nature, or related to dress, color, class, religious or learning disabilities. To tolerate, even by silence, is to perpetuate prejudice and even give permission to become a bully. Parents are now being advised to not only guard against their child being bullied, but to also watch for signs that he or she is perhaps becoming or is, in fact, a bully. It is always heart warming to see the out pouring of grief and sympathy for student suicide victims by their fellow classmates---but the thought also occurs that it is too little, too late. Should we not be doing more to teach our children to stand against any kind of bullying they may witness, and not let it go unnoticed and without peer disapproval?

Society will probably never rid itself of bullying, for there will always be those who glean pleasure from assuming a mean, superior role to others. But it seems good manners and civil behavior could be stressed more ---it isn't enough to teach the pleasantries of " please" and "thank you". Self esteem has been the ultimate goal of many parents in recent years, and that's all well and good---but let us not forget to teach the importance of esteeming others. It would seem we need more role models for good and kind behavior both for our children and ourselves. We are not always getting it from our most obvious and visible heroes and celebrities. And we are certainly not getting it from our political leaders. Pointing out flaws of the opponents seems to go with the territory, and as we enter this election season, we will be subjected to what seems to be an acceptable form of bullying, in the form of character attack ads from both ends of the political party spectrum. Differences of view points are one thing , as disagreement with positions and policies are essential for healthy debates and decision making, but personal assassination and deliberate public put downs are quite another. Bullies are found everywhere, sometimes even in a President, who can use his pulpit to continuously belittle and make fun of his opponents. Let's hope this political season does not fall further to that level of childishness. We are watching, and so are our children. May we strive to set a good example of good will towards all men---even those we are at complete polar opposite. There is another way---civil discourse. How refreshing it would be to see more of that in our political debates.

Bullies are found everywhere, and while they are mostly bred at home, they are only allowed to flourish if society allows them to do so by turning a deaf ear, a blind eye, or worse, joining in. Most of us do not join in---but by remaining silent, we are condoning. God bless those who find the courage to speak up against even subtle slurs. Political correctness, though at times annoying, has become part of our culture, because we needed to reign in our tongues----may we continue to watch not only what we say, but what we feel, and just as importantly, what we are teaching our children by example---so that someday, we can look at them, be proud, and say---bully for you!!

THE TEA PARTY PHENOMENON

In case you haven't noticed, it's election time again in this country. Yes, mid-term elections are coming up in November, and you will surely know by then, that this will be an important, contentious time for both parties---or should we say three parties? There's a new kid on the block this year, and it remains to be seen how much of an impact the kid known as "The Tea Party" will make on the public consciousness This is not your basic nuisance third party. These people are a grass roots movement, which has sprung up as a result of their discontent with both the current administration and their extreme liberal agenda and the Republican party and in their view, not exreme enough conservative agenda. Like many new kids, this one has endured ridicule and even outright shunning. Some say they will split the Republican party; others say they will re-shape, take over, and become the new Republican party. Their numbers are growing, and regardless of how the Republicans are feeling about this, the Democrats are not amused with this upstart faction that they, try as they may to marginalize them, cannot ignore.

This is a tide that is worth watching, as their voices rise, and the pundits and media clearly don't quite know what to say about them. The Democrats on one hand have tried to paint them as biased, rabble rousers, while the Republicans for the most part have stood by watching them steal their thunder. Afraid to endorse them, yet too stymied by their influence to divorce them, they seem puzzled at this rather unpolitically astute, anti-establishment bunch of people that seem to have the wind at their backs in these troubling times. Their message is simple and clear----stop the trend of more and more government control,more spending, and higher taxes--- and it appears to be resonating. In spite of reports to the contrary, they seem to be a very well behaved and respectful group. At the same time they appear to be highly motivated and passionate--perhaps driven by their fear that their country is being led way too far to the left. One wonders if they are not the newest kid on the block, but perhaps have been there all along, the so called "silent majority", middle class Americans, politely and respectfully going along with the political process, allowing things to run their course---but now feeling that things have gotten too far out of hand and it is time to stand up and be counted.

They are making strides--Christine O'Donnell, Tea Party representative, has just pulled off the biggest upset of the year in the state of Delaware, winning the primary nomination for United States Senator against an incumbent Republican. Of course, the personal attacks have begun, and she will have to weather the storm of dirty politics---welcome to the world of "Gotcha!". Sara Palin, one of the early spokeswoman for the Tea Party, and a favorite punching bag of the dems and the media, continues to draw huge crowds. How is it that this plain spoken, not exactly erudite woman can become such an overnight political sensation? No, she doesn't have the experience, the education, the in depth international knowledge, or political smoothness one expects from a leader---but she is catching up fast, and she speaks in a way many people understand and trust--- her words echo their pent up concerns. Plain spoken, sincere, and hard hitting--she refuses to be bowed and is, like it or not, a force to be reckoned with. Again, her message is, like the Tea Party, 'we will no longer be silent or ignored---hear us roar.'

And so, as each side takes their places and gears up for a battle in the Novemberr, elections, the public will complain and grouse about all the negativity that the political process breeds in this country. But we should grow up. That's life in the U.S.A. As long as there is free speech, the speech isn't always pretty. It is true, that the process gets very messy and dirty at times, but that is the way of our democracy. It is the "sausage making" of a people who will eventually decide who they wish to lead and what policies and philosophies they want to follow. There is a great national debate being waged, the likes of which we have not seen in this country in a very long time. You will not hear it in social circles, but the dialogue is going on in hearts, minds, and homes across the land. You will read about it in the papers, and hear of it on television, but much of that will be subjective reporting. The subject matter has little to do with labels such as the "Tea Party", or Liberals, or Conservatives, but everything to do with the philosophy of each group.

This country is undergoing huge change, with one side pulling for more government control and more taxes to support it; the other resisting the concept of being cared for and believing that the country and its citizens will benefit more by allowing for more individual power and fewer taxes The tug and pull of more or less government is nothing new, and has been raging since the birth of this country. It came to a dramatic head at one time in the Boston Harbor--"The Tea Party" was born and it is rocking and rolling again---you may or not wish to be invited, but you will hear them. "Diss" them, admire, or join them. It does not appear they are going away very soon. Check them out, but before you dismiss them--they may be more like you than you care to admit---if not, there's another couple parties going on down the block. Choose carefully and know your party's theme. The hosts may be handsome, pretty, smart, and cool, but do they really stand for your best interests? I hate cliches, but now more than ever, our choices matter.

There are some who eschew "going" to any party, but rather they like to think they vote "for the man, or the woman". But the lines are drawn, and the man or woman you choose will espouse and follow the party's dictates---their careers depend upon it, which is too often the sad motivation of those who promise "change" in Washington. The real change must come from the people, who will demand it from the ground up--- and that can make for tense times---care for a cup of tea?

RAMBLING THOUGHTS ON A FALL DAY

Once again, the fall season has arrived in the rockies. The shadows are long and lazy, the days are hot, the evenings cool, and the elk up in the high country are "rutting",otherwise known as mating. Fall here is much more like summer than summer usually is. The temps rise, and the rain and thunder storms stop. The weather seems to stabilize,as though it's grown weary. Having burned itself out, it simmers on low---until its flame sighs, and winter reclaims the land. There will be no sign of summer and the starkness and early dark evenings can dampen the spirit. Have we been forsaken? Left alone? The leaves, so golden now, blow away, the flowers finally surrender their beauty to the below freezing nights, and the grass slowly turns yellow, then brown. Most of us put on our snow tires, pull on our boots, and crank up the heat. The winter air gets so dry and devoid of humidity here 5000 feet up, that eye drops and lotion are a daily ritual. In spite of that, it is a lovely time of year, the native Aspen trees blinding the eye with their copper colors. But for me, it gets harder and harder to say good-bye to summer. I will miss it, and wait impatiently, like a lover waits, impatient and longing for one more summer and the embrace of warmth and high joy that only lots of sun and outdoor activities can deliver.

There can be comfort in extreme cold. It requires fireplaces, warm, cuddly clothes, down comforters, hot chocolate, and cozy evenings spent with family and friends warming the nights with friendship and love. There is also a sort of heartiness that is born of getting through a tough winter---one takes it on, deals with it, and even makes friends with it. At the end of a 4 below freezing day, after you've made it home over icey, slushy streets, you feel like a survivor of the first order. There are, of course, people who not only tolerate, but worship winter---they are called skiers and they can't wait for snow and cold. We have a neighbor who drives almost every weekend to Telluride, which is a 6 hour drive, so that he can experience the rush of a downhill run. This is indeed world class ski country, and snow is the skier's sunshine and the ski industry's manna from heaven. I wish I shared their enthusiam---but I don't. I used to ski until another skier hit me broadside, and practically knocked my lights out, then skied full speed away. That was my last down hill run.

So, here we are again, facing one more winter---actually, it's not so bad. Next month, I'll put out the Halloween decorations, fill the porch with pumkins and mum plants, bake a pumpkin pie, and invite someone over for a chili supper. Summer will once again be a memory. The good news is that, unlike some things in life, summer always returns. The question becomes, as one becomes older---will we? Will life go on as we know it, or will we move on like the worn leaves? I will miss summer.

Last year at this time, we had already had a snow storm. This September has un-summerly brought 90 degree days. Perhaps it won't leave us after all---maybe she likes it here. You never know---global warming may be turning everything upside down. But wait--now they're saying that global warming wasn't quite as severe as we had been led to believe. What's up with that? Was Al Gore and his movie, "An Inconvenient Truth" not the truth? Was it all a sort of rush to judgement in order to save the planet from--- a hunch? Or, cynically, one wonders, to line the pockets of those who would profit from all the new energy requirements? Oh, but they were so sure--and "they" were some of the world's top scientists---but, alas, also very human, subject to error and premature eagerness to conclude without all the facts. Like Stephen Hawkings, acclaimed physicist and famous author of "A Brief History of Time", who is now claiming the universe did and does not need a God or any kind of intelligent design in order to begin out of nothing but nothingness,they preach loud and authoritatively what they believe. Our existence according to Mr. Hawkings and his ilk, just happened as a result of a series of events. Oh, Mr. Hawkings, that's even harder to believe than global warming--or that there's a God. Are you sure you're not falling victim to a bit of hubris? In other words, what you can't fathom, you simply deny? Well, it's your business, but I think I'll err on the side of a divine possibility. What if what we can't explain or comprehend may simply be too profound and complex for even top scientists to wrap their minds around? Amazing and humbling thought, but possible. If there is a God, He must wonder at times if He may have made just the tiniest of mistakes by giving us a brain capable enough to survive, and even thrive----but not enough to understand for certain that He exists. But it seems He did not want puppets or robots of his creation, marching like wind-up toys to his wishes. and so He gambled that we would "see the light" from the evidence all around us. Faith is the operative word. But faith requires suspension of human logic sometimes, and the human brain rejects that concept---unless faith enters the heart. It is after all, a brain, not a soul.

The seasons remind that there is a time for living and a time for dying---but that even in the face of death, there is hope for re-birth. The elk know that for sure. I love summer, will enjoy the fall, endure another winter, but live for next spring, when life begins all over again. Stephen Hawkings or not, watching a tree lose its leaves, become nothing but a spray of dead branches, then bud and bloom full and leafy once again, is proof enough for me that all things are possible. We are not alone---the universe is not one big accident, nor are we. We are part of a much bigger picture---too big to fail, one might say. And much too big and marvelous to dismiss as coincidence. The autumn leaves may fall, along with temperatures, and snow. Listen to it all one quiet day---and consider that there is no end and no beginning---just the stream of life. Don't know about you all, but I choose to believe we are part of that stream, which will someday reach its destination---where it's spring all year long and summer is the zenith and the beautiful bow of a great and wonderful gift, the giver of which is known in some circles as the Alpha and the Omega--the first and the last ---or God.

THE REUNION---TOO MANY YEARS TO TELL LATER

I used to love high school reunions. It was fun to see the old gang, catch up on their stories, and take a short walk down memory lane. It was a good way to see how far we had come, and at the same time reconnect with what we had once been, for better or worse. There was always a party buzz, and a feeling that we had grown up, made it to the other side of school to careers, marriage, and family. Yessir, look at us now----ain't we somethin'? And we were still on the move--miles to go and many promises to keep.

But as time goes on, reunions become less jovial and more nostalgic. The "old gang" takes on a much more literal meaning. Suddenly it seems, there is a sea of grey-haired older people--mostly men--curiously, women do not turn grey---hm-m-m-m But all the faces are lined with age and living. The stories are not over,but they are well on their way, and the plot lines are in most cases fixed. Many miles have been traveled, promises have either been kept or broken and most folks are living what they have wrought. Peggy Lee, the famous singer, once sang "Is That All There Is? " Well, this may not be all there is, but to quote another phrase, " what is, is". Most of us have climbed our mountains, chased our dreams, and settled in to enjoy the rest of the ride. We may not be "somethin" anymore, but we don't care ---we like us just fine the way we are, thank you very much. Age does have its compensations---less self consciousness is one of them.

Last week I went to a multi-class reunion---the classes dated back to 1940. Upon walking into the cavernous dining hall, I felt suddenly out of place and out of body---how could I possibly belong to this group of people wandering about, looking at all the memoralbilia laid out upon tables---photos, trophies, year books, all echoing down through the years and testifying that once upon a time we had all been connected one way or the other. I felt nothing---it had been too long ago and far away. Yet, one by one, I began to recognize this person or that one. A tall, nice looking stranger suddenly appeared, smiling knowingly at me while I tried to read his name tag. Before I could do so, he spoke my name, and then his. Finally I remembered, and as always happens to me at reunions, the years fell away from his face, and I saw before me the handsome, tall boy who had once taken me out a couple of times. We chatted a minute or two, before running out of things to say, then both of us drifted off to others. I felt the same as I had so very many decades earlier---he was nice, attractive, and even fun to be with---but nothing beyond that. I would imagine he felt the same way. Some things never change. It always fascinates me that two people who knew each other long ago, can reunite years later and feel an attraction that did not exist earlier. For me, my first impressions generally are very long lasting and accurate. But was I flattered that an old boyfriend still remembered me? Damn straight. As I said, some things never change.

As I cast about looking for more familiar faces, I found a few, though not many, as most of our class did not attend this particular reunion. Perhaps they were wise---as this one was held not exclusively in our honor and so did not hold the usual allure and magic of previous reunions---that feeling of having traversed backwards to the place where you are allowed to be young again. It simply did not happen this time---this reunion made me feel old and somewhat displaced--strange,because we were the youngest class there! But observing the older alumni was like going back to the future---they were what we would soon become---older yet.

I did not return the next day for more of the reunion festivities. I was done looking backwards--or too far into the future. There were too many missing people and their absences were making me feel sad and lonely. One of the missing was from our class, and was a beloved man, having become a naturalized citizen after immigrating here from Europe while we were all in high school together. Everyone knew and admired Henry and his love for this country. He had gone on a boat fishing trip when he suffered a heart attack, fell from his bunk and severed his spinal cord. He had planned to come to this reunion. Now, his life hung in the balance while we all gathered to celebrate our shared history. Henry had planned to be there with us---and in a way he was, as the news spread about his dire circumstances. He died the next day. The master of ceremonies of the reunion had spoken of Henry in his opening remarks, and included him in a prayer--but then the school band, paradoxically, and on cue, began to play; and the cheerleaders danced their jive as if to say, "O.K., he's gone, too bad, so sad, but let's give a cheer, anyway!" They were just beginning their journey and knew nothing of Henry--- they will learn soon enough about good men and sad good-byes. And they will feel as we did---that each time one of your own dies, he leaves a void and takes part of us with him.

For those of you still young enough to go to early-on high school reunions, go and enjoy---strut your youthful stuff and ring those bells---before they begin to toll for a different reason. The old gang will become just that, and you will start to lose some of the them. So for now, take time to listen to their stories, enjoy their company, but don't linger too long in the past--- it can be an aphrodisiac, beckoning you to not only stay too long, but to yearn your youth. It's over, and while wonderful for many of us, was only a temporary place along the way,shaping and preparing us for the future. Keep moving forward, with just an occasional glance back to the "good old days". Because the only good old day, we have is this one. Right, Henry? Hey, Henry---just for the record---you really were somethin'!! Happy fishing up there!!!

SURPRISE!!!

Last week I turned another year older---ho-hum. I wasn't a bit surprised--but then, I never am. Birthdays come and go, but some are more important than others----this one was. Suffice to say, it was not my 30th. This particular one nailed down, firmly and irretrievably what I already knew--- I am definitely not getting any younger. And if I didn't know it before, my face decided to clue me in the morning after my birthday---there it was, another wrinkle in time staring back at me, as if to say---yeah, baby, you've come a lo--o-o-o-ng, long ways.

At what point do we accept our mortality? I can remember clearly the day I realized I was not going to live forever---in fact, it suddenly hit me that nobody was---everyone on the planet---poof!---gone someday. I think I was about 10 when that unsettling epiphany dawned on my consciousness. OMG---this is not good. There must be a different way. And spiritually, there is, but I wasn't looking for harps and heaven back then. Slowly, I accepted what we all must--that nothing lasts forever---including us. What a pity--but then, my 90 year old mom would disagree. She says she's ready to make her exit---I just don't believe it. She still loves to party as much as I do. Funny thing is, looking back on it all, I only remember a few of the parties.

When I was five, I had a great birthday party--it wasn't a surprise, but I still remember the kids, the dress-up clothes, the presents, the attention. What a great idea---birthday parties! What better reason to party than to commemorate the day one became alive and part of this grand and glorious experience. Okay, so I didn't think like that when I was five, but I do now---and I knew then that there must be something very special about birthdays---even though we seemed to have little to do with being born. Then I finally heard someone say that we should be proud of ourselves,just for being here---because even as sperms, we proved to be stronger and more determined than all the other sperms that tried to make it through!! An "A-ha moment"!! And another reason for a party.

The next party I remember is years later,an attempted surprise party when I turned sweet 16---I somehow knew all about it, and had to feign surprise, but it was still fun and life was brimming over. It was the 50's---there were no drugs, no terrorism, no one out of 4 divorce rate. The only rock and rolling we did was at the local Skate Ranch, and "cool" was a word used only to describe the weather. Didn't matter--we had no wish to be "cool"---just cute, clever, or smart. And if you were a girl and had just one black skirt with a pink poodle adorned upon it, all was well with the world. If you were a guy, all you needed were white buck shoes or a duck-tail hair cut. If you had both, then---you were "cool" before "cool" was "cool".

When I turned an age that some people might call "older", suffice to say, even more emphatically, it was not my 30th, or my 40th, or--- my girl friends who also love to party, and gleefully remind you that you're getting older, and not necessarily better,invited me to a restaurant dinner birthday celebration. Naively thinking they would surprise me and to pay homage to my love of theatre, they planned to show up in Groucho Marx sunglasses, noses, and mustaches. But once again, I somehow knew this, and instead surprised them by strolling into the restaurant with---a little old lady wig of platinum gray tiny curls, black leather pants, vest, boots, cut out gloves, jaunty cap, and a dog-collar chain necklace---my version of a biker's babe--the new "little old lady" look. The look on their faces was a gift that still shines in my memory today.

Last year was another memorable birthday and what some people might refer to as a definite sign of "old". Having given up on anyone ever surprising me, I helped throw a party, group style, for my entire high school class. It was comforting to share the long years with others, but the number we were celebrating wasn't lost on me---time was moving on, and we with it. I asked everyone there to share any words of wisdom they may have gained through the years---"Live with an attitude of gratitude" is the one I most liked. But no one, including me, said anything about surprises (happy ones, of course) being one of the best ways to stay young! To be surprised is to feel energized, and to be the surpriser is to feel even better. Unexpected flowers, candy, visits, phone calls, all fall into this category. Never under estimate the power of tangible or spoken good wishes toward another---we are after all---people who need people! Thank you Barbra Streisand---

In between all the parties, the milestones,the other birthdays seem to blur together into one happy song---happy birthday, happy birthday,----we love you, my friend, my daughter, my sister ,my grandma, my mom, my wife---I loved them all back. And as the candles flickered on all the cakes, I always made the same two fervent wishes ---"Please don't take me from them too soon". And the most important one of all---"Don't even think about taking any of them from me--ever."

My life has had its moments of joy and sorrow, but those two requests have been granted--and so I count myself most fortunate, and will take whatever comes with the rest of the ride---wrinkles and all. That was the bargain I made---keep them all safe, and I'll accept anything else. I'm ready for the next curve in the road---I like curves. Curves keep us on on our toes and make the journey more interesting. Sometimes they hide something wonderful, and other times something deplorable or devastating. But it's the price we pay for the ride we take. I'm taking my chances, hoping for the good stuff--and holding on to my jaunty cap.

Now,as sit at an age I could never fathom when I was five, I can only think of how fast it has melted away---I want to hold the present in my hands a little longer and slow the whole experience down. I want to savor, smell, stare, soak it all up a little more. When asked this year what I wanted for a gift---I could think of nothing---except time. But there is just one other small thing I really, really would like--- a real surprise birthday party----maybe next year. Sometimes surprises come in cards. This year, one of mine from a friend said, "Happy Birthday, Fabulous!" Of course, I loved that card, especially since I had just been feelin' it--old, that is; and suddenly I felt--- well, fabulous! And surprised!!