I SEE YOU

If you haven't seen the much talked about movie," Avatar"---go! It is a masterpiece of film making, from the gorgeous, other worldly visuals, to the story line, to the fantasy scenes of flying animals and people and of course, the 3D effects. I was mesmerized and did not want to leave the planet of Pandora and the Na'vi tribe who inhabit it. But there was one line of dialogue that struck me and has stayed with me almost more than anything else in the movie. At one point, the character who plays the Nav'vi young woman must teach her tribe's culture to the strange young man who has mysteriously entered their midst. Finally she falls in love with him. No surprise there , but what she said to him was a refreshing and insightful line---she said, "I see you". Not "I love you". She had not even liked him at first and was suspicious and disdainful of him. But because she was forced into spending time with him, she came to know him, not just as a stranger. She saw beyond his mask, which in the case of the movie, was truly a fantastical visage which transformed him during a sort of time travel to Pandora. "I see you" meant I see the real you, through all the outer layers, and I find you worthy of my love. It was a lovely, incandescent moment of human connection. It reminded me of rare moments I have either seen or experienced when one being connects with another---even strangers.

Once, when on an adventure trip in a very primitive, third world country, trekking among a stone tribe of an ancient culture, where our guides and porters did not speak our language, I was fearful and anxious regarding our safety. How could these people, who only years ago were still cannibalizing each other, possibly care for us? What were we doing here? Had we over estimated our physical abilities? But as we came to know these men, I forgot my fears completely and trusted my life to them. We never spoke words to each other, but our eyes ultimately said everything---I see you, I trust you, I will not betray you, no matter what you look like, or we to you. I would watch in the evenings as they left us and drew together in their own company. They would sing and laugh and connect with each other in ways I rarely see in our culture. I envied their ability to be totally themselves, happy, unencumbered with inhibitions, egos, or false pretenses. They saw each other quite easily. I hope they will not lose that ability when they inevitably become "civilized", for that often gets lost as we learn other traits, such as reserve, suspicion, mistrust, judgment, and withholding of our true selves.

Of all the things I learned from that excellent adventure, I mostly remember the eyes of the people I met ---their concern and empathy when I collapsed in exhaustion at the end of an all day trek, when my brother fell down a steep ravine and injured himself, when we looked in utter disbelief and terror at -- an actual swinging, suspension bridge hung over raging water. It was made of rope and broken, uneven wooden slats , and we needed to somehow walk across it without losing our balance and falling into the river below. Always they were there to help, guide, and comfort us. We were so different from each other, but so much the same at our core. Humor found us all as our bare footed friends curiously looked at our shoes and boots--as if to say, why bother with those boxes, when your bare feet would work just as well or better. Their giggles and expressions were gently teasing, never ridiculing. In contrast, when we first saw these people in their native dress, which was almost complete nakedness, we had to stifle our somewhat shocked stares and embarrassment. But they saw us, and found us worthy of their kindness and their service. I saw them back.

I will never make it to the moon much less the planet of Pandora, but the wonder that happens when one really sees another can happen every day. So, the next time one of my grand daughters says, " Grandma, Grandma---look at me!" I'm going to try a little harder to "see" all there really is to see.

My Old Flame

He had me at first glance

His name was William

But I called him Billy

So did everyone else

Billy had the curliest blonde hair I had ever seen

And the bluest eyes, too

His freckles only added to his allure

And his smile was to die for

Billy was a man of few words--shy, you might say

To a fault, you might say

Boring you might also say

But that didn't matter at the time

He was the cutest I had ever seen

And that counted for a lot back then

But cute doesn't cut it if that's all

And that was about all there was to Billy.

Our romance didn't last long--about one week, as I recall

Love is fickle

So was Billy

He was also five

So was I

Wherever you are, Billy

I don't care about you anymore

But I still remember you

Happy Valentine's Day!

State of the Union After Thoughts

Hm-m-m-m. What did you think of it? Did it make you feel any better? Did it inspire you? Make you hopeful? Or angry? I would imagine it did all those things to different people. For me, I came away feeling as though I had been lectured to by an angry, stern, but caring father---who has no intention of backing down on what he feels is best for us and is quite irritated that we do not quite see it his way. Rather, than accepting that the evidence is there, via the Mass. election, the polls, the polarization on Health Care, the controversies that rage over the bail-outs, the government interference with corporate pay and bonuses, the terrorist issues, including the hugely expensive trial that is to be held in New York City for one of the main perpetrators of 911, that perhaps he should reconsider his position on several fronts. But true to Obama form, he came out swinging for the fences, confident that the masses will follow if he shows enough confidence, articulation, determination, and a small amount of apology for not living up to the very high expectations set before him in this, his first and very difficult year. He blames not a small part of this failure for the Republicans' stubbornness to go along with his party's ways. He also managed to shake his finger, almost literally, at the Supreme Court and Judge Alito, for their recent decision on corporate campaign ad funding. Judge Alito, who had no choice but to sit and take it, must have felt like the victim of a bullying teacher in a classroom, being reprimanded for having done his job. I guess the President and Mr. Alito's animus with each other goes back a long ways, but it was an uncomfortable moment. It is, however, a free country still, and there was nothing illegal or even original about Obama taking on the judge, while having the national pulpit. It just didn't seem very Presidential. But, I guess we should cut President Obama a little slack----after all, he's frustrated, stressed, and quite cross with some of us! We really should shape up and get behind what needs to be done----which is getting this economy going again!!! I agree with him, totally, but it starts NOT with a good talking to, but a President who recognizes when to show a little humility, dial down the soaring rhetoric, and instead show us something besides left wing politics, pandering to his political interests, and a feeling that our country is being sold down the river. I am ready to follow, even admire, if he would show me that he is willing to compromise, move more to the center, and give me reason to believe that he is truly interested in making our country stronger and better---not re-born to his terms. He is not our father, and we are not his children.
Well, there you have it-- this is just me, one small business owner, who has watched her world crumble around her. This is not all Obama's fault, by any means. There is plenty of blame to go around---and perhaps it was just time for a re-set of our economic values. But, at this point, I am very worried, concerned, and question Mr. Obama's lack of experience and his world view, which seems not in sync with many of us who grew up in a different America. No one can cure this country over night, but neither can we, nor do we want to change so dramatically over night. Mr. Obama needs our prayers and Solomon's wisdom---may we and God grant him that as we proceed.

Senate Upset in Massachusetts and Obama's Next Move--Right, Left. or Down the Middle ??

And now for a little political chat---my favorite kind of chat! OMG, did she say political chat? Well, yes, I did--and I can---if you're game. Problem is nobody wants to chat about politics---not politically correct! But it's what I heard someone describe as the "wall paper" of our lives, so very present and influencing. How can we not think about it, and if we're thinking about it, why not discuss what we're thinking? Are we just reduced to harmless, but oh, so boring chit chat like-- "What's up?"," How do you like this weather?", and "Have a nice day"? Or, my favorite--"what movies have you seen lately? " ( I actually like that one, but that can be dangerous too, if you've seen a Michael Moore diatribe). But is it that difficult to agree to disagree ? I find the people who are willing to talk a little politics are the most interesting, because they are usually the most informed, therefore not fearful of entering into a conversation about which they may know little. I also find the wisest people are those who keep their cool, while expressing their view points and courteously listen to the opposing view without getting angry, huffy, or condescending. I believe that would be called an intelligent debate---an exchange of ideas, a civil discourse. I love that, so---let's have one!

What does everybody think of the Massachusett's Senate upset last Tuesday? How about that virtually unknown, Scott Brown? Is he the new Sheriff in town? Or just a way for the people of Mass. to say " no" to the proposed health care bill, and other things going on in government? If nothing else, it was a loud wake-up call to President Obama and his administration, that perhaps they had best start paying better attention and not be assuming that everybody is agreeing with them. I think they got the message---Obama has even ordered his former campaign manager, David Plouffe, to oversee Senate, House, and Gubnatorial races to try and forsee trends before the next voting season, so that they can avoid another Mass. It will be an interesting midterm election time. With the possible death of Obama's health care plan as it stands now, and the resulting ripple effect on other Democrat politicians, there's a lot at stake. Listen up, Mr. Plouffe---it's not just about trends and pretty speeches---it's about the message of the trends,which is that the the natives are getting restless---come to the middle, Mr. Obama. That's where most of us are--not hard left or hard right. Thank you chatting--or listening. Now, it's your turn!

New York, New York----I Made it There!!!

I read recently where the famed restaurant, Tavern on the Green was closing down. Another good-bye. I loved that place----it was like an enchanted clearing in the middle of Central Park---glass paned windows, sparkling chandeliers, white, ornate wrought iron garden furniture, wonderful food and elegant service .The last time we were there was a magical evening, spun out of dreams---it was a warm, summery night and we were meeting our niece who was attending Columbia University at the time. After dinner, we rode through the park in a horse drawn carriage to attend a performance at the Lincoln Center. “A Light in the Piazza”, was the name of the play, and it added to the kind of evening only New York can offer--wonderful dining and superb theatre. New York, New York----if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere! Well, I had made it there, once upon a time---to live in New York, that is. I was there before the Tavern on the Green or the “Towers” that was so magnificent and a monument to the city, before being so savagely destroyed.

It was a long time ago, 1960 to be exact, and I was a starry eyed girl from a small town in Calif. I was also a United airline “stewardess”---but just temporarily, as I was going to be a Broadway STAR!! Standing on a busy, Manhattan street with all 5 suit cases in tow and very little money, and waiting for a cab to stop, I was thrilled, pumped, giddy, out of my mind with happiness. I was here!! Nothing could stop me now---well, I slowed down a bit when the girl who had been holding a spot for me in an apartment, broke the news that someone else had moved in---but, not to worry, I could stay there until I found something else. I did, and it was worth the wait. Five O Five Park Ave., thank you very much, was my new address---it had everything---a lovely old pre-war building with wooden floors, big windows that opened out onto a lovely courtyard, quaintly furnished by my new roommate, Suzy, who, if not exactly friendly, knew her way around New York, having been raised there by a governess. She was a window designer for Lord and Taylor, and I suspect the cute wicker furniture had been supplied by or stolen from them. Suzy had lots of friends, all male, who came and went at the oddest hours of the night. About the only thing we had in common was that we both adored coffee ice cream, a fairly new phenomenon at that time. We would sit and gleefully eat a whole carton between us, like two little girl friends---but we were not. Suzy laughed at my pastel dresses and I thought her all black clothes were depressing—she was right, though---black was/is where it’s at if you want to look like a New Yawker---and I did, so out went the pastels.

One other thing Five O Five Park Ave had was a door man---yes, a real live, uniformed door man who took us up and down in the old time-y, rickety elevator. Abe was his name, and he looked very dapper in his green uniform with epaulets on the shoulders. It took me a while to realize that the reason the elevator was so jerky on some of its rides with me in it was due to my not tipping Abe for his services---who knew? I was a slow learner in the ways of the big city---don’t tip the taxi driver enough and he’ll curse you all the way down the street.But I got even the next time a cabbie got rude with me before I even got out of his car--- I left the door open and strutted away----nose up in the air and feelin’ pretty sassy. I was becoming a New Yawker! I eventually learned not to smile at strangers, or even friends so much---and to not look frightened ever---even if you think you’re being stalked, which I did a couple of times.

Of course, one of the best things about New York is the night life. When I was there, there were many wonderful,intimate, smoky night clubs, like the Blue Note, where I saw Peggy Lee perform “You Give me Fever”, and she set the room on fire with it. There were also fabulously glamorous places like the celebrated St. Regis Room , where Suze and friends took me one night. I was having a perfectly fabulous, glamorous time until the man Suzy had fixed me up with informed me that he was married! Horrified,scared, and indignant as only a young girl can be, I ordered the man to take me home immediately---so much for my big night out. But there were other nights spent wondrously at the Opera, the Ballet, and of course the Broadway theatres, where I longed to be ---on stage, not in the audience. My big chance came one day, and I actually got an audition with a Broadway producer! That’s all I have to say about that---it came to nothing, but I think I realized in that instant of being goggled,judged,and dismissed that I wasn’t at all ready for the bright lights of Broadway----what had I been thinking? Without an agent, acting lessons, and connections to the right people, none of which I had or could afford,I was not going to be a star---not even a spark. Who wants to be a STAR, anyway---I could still live in the sky----coffee, tea, or milk, sir?

In the meantime, I met many interesting people, grew up a lot, became quite sophisticated in my black clothing and serious face, and even dated a Vanderbilt! At least he said he was of that dynastic clan---and he seemed the real deal---we didn’t have Google in those days, so I took him for his word. He was kind, awkward, and slept through the opera----had obviously been there many times. He also took me to a political small gathering, where all the talk was of John F. Kennedy and his dalliance with a movie star, named Marilyn Monroe. The media did not betray those secrets in that day, so it was years before I heard it officially on the news!

Eventually, I began to tire of big city ways and feared I had forgotten how to smile, so decided to leave and return to the west, where I prefer the open spaces, ready smiles, and where we don’t even necessarily wear black at funerals! But I’ll always miss New York and sometimes wish that I had stayed and really made it there----but even if I had, nothing is forever---not even The Tavern on the Green ---or the "Towers". So for now, for me, all the world’s a stage---the show opens every day with a new cast and an ever changing story---I hope it takes me back to New York one more time---I need to tip Abe.

New York, New York----I Made it There!!!

I read recently where the famed restaurant, Tavern on the Green was closing down. I loved that place----it was like an enchanted clearing in the middle of Central Park---glass paned windows, sparkling chandeliers, white, ornate wrought iron garden furniture, wonderful food and elegant service .The last time we were there was a magical evening, spun out of dreams---it was a warm, summery night and we were meeting our neice who was attending Columbia College at the time. After dinner, we rode through the park in a horse drawn carriage to attend a performance at the Lincoln Center. “A Light in the Piazza”, was the name of the play, and it added to the kind of evening only New York can offer---New York, New York----if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere! Well, I had made it there, once upon a time---to New York, to live that is. I was there before the Tavern on the Green or the “towers” that was so magnificent and a monument to the city, before being so savagely destroyed.
It was a long time ago, 1960 to be exact, and I was a starry eyed girl from a small town in Calif. I was also a United airline “stewardess”---but just temporarily, as I was going to be a Broadway STAR!! Standing on a busy, Manhattan street with all 5 suit cases in tow and very little money, and waiting for a cab to stop, I was thrilled, pumped, giddy, out of my mind with happiness. I was here!! Nothing could stop me now---well, I slowed down a bit when the girl who had been holding a spot for me in an apt., broke the news that someone else had moved in---but, not to worry, I could stay there until I found something else. I did, and it was worth the wait. 505 Park Ave., thank you very much, was my new address---it had everything---a lovely old pre-war building with wooden floors, big windows that opened out onto a lovely courtyard, quaintly furnished by my new roommate, Suzy, who, if not exactly friendly, knew her way around New York, having been raised there by a governess. She was a window designer for Lord and Taylor, and I suspect the cute wicker furniture had been supplied by or stolen from them. Suzy had lots of friends, all male, who came and went at the oddest hours of the night. About the only thing we had in common was that we both adored coffee ice cream, a fairly new phenomenon at that time. We would sit and gleefully eat a whole carton between us, like two little girl friends---but we were not. Suzy laughed at my pastel dresses and I thought her all black clothes were depressing—she was right, though---black was/is where it’s at if you want to look like a New Yawker---and I did, so out went the pastels.
One other thing 505 Park Ave had was a door man---yes, a real live, uniformed door man who took us up and down in the old time-y, rickety elevator . Abe was his name, and he looked very dapper in his green uniform with epaulets on the shoulders. It took me a while to realize that the reason the elevator was so jerky on some of its rides with me in it was due to my not tipping Abe for his services---who knew? I was a slow learner in the ways of the big city---don’t tip the taxi driver enough and he’ll curse you all the way down the street. Got even though the next time a cabbie got rude with me before I even got out of his car--- I left the door open and strutted away----nose up in the air and feelin’ pretty sassy. I was becoming a New Yawker! I eventually learned not to smile at strangers, or even friends so much---and to not look frightened ever---even if you think you’re being stalked, which I did a couple of times.
Of course, one of the best things about New York is the night life. When I was there, there were many wonderful,intimate, smoky night clubs, like the Blue Note, where I saw Peggy Lee perform “You Give me Fever”, and set the room on fire with it. There were also fabulously glamorous places like the St Regis room , where Suze and friends took me one night, I was having a perfectly fabulous, glamorous time until the man Suzy had fixed me up with informed me that he was married! Horrified, indignant, and scared as only a young girl can be, I ordered the man to take me home immediately---so much for my big night out. But there other nights spent wondrously at the Opera, the Ballet, and of course the Broadway theatres, where I longed to be ---on stage, not in the audience. My big chance came one day, and I actually got an audition with a Broadway producer! That’s all I have to say about that---it came to nothing, but I think I realized in that instant of being appraised, judged, and dismissed that I wasn’t at all ready for the bright lights of Broadway----what had I been thinking? Without an agent, acting lessons, and connections to the right people, I was not going to be a star---not even a comet. Who wants to be a STAR, anyway---I could still live in the sky----coffee, tea, or milk, sir?
In the meantime, I met many interesting people, grew up a lot, became quite sophisticated in my black clothing and serious face, and even dated a Vanderbilt! At least he said he was of that clan---and he seemed the real deal---we didn’t have Google in those days, so I took him for his word. He was kind, awkward, and slept through the opera----had obviously been there many times. He also took me to a political small gathering, where all the talk was of John F Kennedy and his dalliance with a movie star, named Marilyn Monroe. The media did not betray those secrets in that day, so it was years before I heard it officially on the news!
Eventually, I began to tire of big city ways and feared I had forgotten how to smile, so decided to leave and return to the west, where I prefer the open spaces, ready smiles, and where we don’t even necessarily wear black at funerals! But I’ll always miss New York and sometimes wish that I had stayed and really made it there----but even if I had, nothing is forever---not even The Tavern on the Green ---or the towers. But, for now, for me, all the world’s a stage---the show opens every day with a new cast and an ever changing story---I hope it takes me back to New York one more time---I need to tip Abe a little more.

A Glimpse

Once upon a time, not so long ago, and not very far away, in a very public, crowded place, I suddenly began to think I was having a heart attack! Never having had one before, I was not at all sure about this, but thought it wise to take the somewhat sharp pains in my chest seriously. After alerting my husband, son, and business associate, I soon found myself in the hands of paramedics. Before I knew it, I was bundled onto a stretcher, taking a harrowing ride down two escalators, out the door and into a waiting ambulance. Upon arriving at the hospital, I was treated as top priority--nothing like chest pains to move to the front of the line. Long story, short---hours later I was released with the doctor's diagnosis--"must be a virus---you'll probably be O.K.---can't be 100% sure." Virus never sounded so good. I'll take it---out of the shadows and back into the sunshine.

Life may not always be what we wish it to be, but to catch a glimpse of what it might be like to lose it, is to appreciate it all over again. Take everything, but leave life and loved ones, and I'm good to go.

Point of this story is what I know you already know, but bears repeating---good health is the best gift of all---and our best hope as we travel into this new year. If you have it, cherish it, if you don't, keep working at it, and if you are caring for someone who isn't feeling so good--well, you are their sunshine---and their greatest gift. Cherish that, too.

As we go bravely into this new world of 70-ism, please remind me to remember that our bodies don't necessarily know how old we are---unless we tell them!There's good evidence that says we send aging signals every time we refer to ourselves as old (it's not a badge or excuse!), or complain about every ache and pain, or neglect to stay fit by not exercising or eating right.

Okay, so---I'm thinkin' I'm really only 30--well, maybe 50 or 60, fit as a fiddle, and ready to kick you know what the first time someone offers me a rocking chair!

P.S. Did I mention that my right arm has been hurting for a year now?

Cheers, Kellee

FYI --For those of you that know about my son Tom's little girl, Addyson, and her difficult birth--to get the latest update, click onto his blog site: http://thomaslotz.com --another case of a scary glimpse. I know some of you have had your own glimpses---may the new year grant us only good glimpses!